Friday, October 5, 2018

How to Deal With Your Crappy Landlord: and anyone else who makes you feel guilty for standing up for yourself

This post is going to be a little bit different than my typical relationship-esque ramblings.  Today we have a very special rant brought to you by my shitty landlord and boxed wine.

I won't go TOO much into detail, but basically I had an "encounter" with my lovely, kind, attentive  ::sips wine:: landlord today that left me feeling angry, upset and defeated.  Basically, I spoke up about something that should be getting done but wasn't.. and when I stood up for myself, I was torn down and was made to feel as though I was being unreasonable and unfair.  So much so that I actually started to believe it.  I felt so bad after that I started sobbing.  But after some self reflecting, I realized... wait JUST A MINUTE.  I was totally right in how I reacted and this is just being twisted around to make me feel bad when I'm not in the wrong here.  NOT TODAY SATAN!  It got me thinking... how many times in life do we stand up for ourselves, and are right in doing so, but in return end up feeling guilty?  I know personally for me, more times than I can count.  And it's not just landlords.. it's anyone who makes you feel badly for standing your ground or challenging something.  It's your bitchy boss or your toxic relative or your controlling boyfriend.

So, how do we deal with such people?  That's the exact question that I had to ask myself today after bawling my eyes out and dropping a whole lot of F bombs.  But, after talking to my Momma and my boyfriend, I gained a little bit of clarity and decided there are good and bad ways to deal with these kinds of people. 

Facts Not Sass.
This is a tough one for me.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have quite the sassy side to me. Shocking, I know. Anytime I am challenged or crossed, I have a sassy side that automatically comes out.  I call her Lola. But something I've been learning, from my current boss actually, is that you're much better off presenting someone with the cold hard facts rather than being sassy to them.  So instead of sassing the person and rolling your eyes and telling them what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad landlord they are, present them with the facts of why what you're saying is correct.  If you're going to lay down information to someone, make sure you have the facts to back it up.  People can't argue with facts.  Plus, you'll sound super smart.

Stand Your Ground.
If you go into a conversation hoping for a specific outcome, don't settle for anything less.  Don't let the words of another person make you back down from whatever it is you're trying to accomplish.  Don't forget what it is that you set out to do.  Don't let anyone make you feel bad for being firm and confident in what you want.  Don't back down just because someone tries to tell you that you're being "petty" for wanting heat in your apartment... but I digress.

This goes hand in hand with standing your ground.  Don't stop until you get what you want.  Keep at it.  Keep pushing it.  If you want that new job, keep calling to check in on the position.  If you really want to end that toxic relationship, keep voicing your concerns until you get the results that you want.  Don't be afraid to be tenacious.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

This one is pretty self explanatory.  You aren't going to get anywhere if you aren't confident in what you're saying.  Even if you aren't, pretend that you are.  Fake it until you make it.

Be Kind.
Above all, remember to be kind.  Sometimes we can get so caught up in fighting for what we want, that we forget to just be nice.  After all, we're all human.  Even if someone is being awful to you, if you remain considerate, not much negative can really be said about you.  There are always ways to get what you want while still being courteous.

Good luck out there.  It's a dog eat dog world.

P.S. I know I've mentioned this book before, but it's an excellent read if you need a little confidence boost.



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