Friday, September 21, 2018

Red Flag Friday Chapter 6: The one with the model ex-girlfriend


Red Flag Friday is a series in which I tell ridiculous relationship stories I've gathered from my own life and the lives of my friends and family.  On select Friday's I will share a crazy story that should have, at the time, been a red flag.  For the sake of saving many people a great deal of embarrassment, the stars of these stories will be kept anonymous.

Welcome back to another crazy tale of my past dating experiences.  Today I have a special little diddy for you all.  This one features a gent that I have mentioned in a few previous posts.  Remember the gem that ran away from my family parties?  Oh and the one who left me stranded in the woods at a party when the cops showed up?  Yep, you guessed it, he's back again.  Man, I really hate myself for all of the awful shit he did that I let slide but HEY at least he gave me some good blog material 9 years later.  Thanks, J!  You da real MVP!

Alright, let me set the scene for you.  Let me take you back to 2008.  I was a sophomore in college and living the damn life.  I had a cute dorm with my best friends and we were getting weird every night.  I start talking to this guy on MySpace... guys... whatever... it was 2008.  What do you want from me?!  Anyway, he starts messaging me and I was all like, he's cute and punk rock looking so SIGN ME UP.  So we start texting back and forth.  Kid ends up telling me he loves me before we even hung out which should have been my FIRST hint he had a screw loose but WHATEVER I was insecure and into it.  

After we had hung out a few times, he decides he's going to come up to my college for a night with two of his friends.  We had a fun night out of consuming adult beverages.  The night ends, everyone goes to sleep and the next morning we are all hanging out chatting on our laptops.  Out of NO WHERE this kid takes my laptop and says TO EVERYONE in the room, including my friends, "Hey you guys wanna see my ex-girlfriend?" ... Um I'm sorry what?! I wish I could go back in time and have an out of body experience and look at the expression on my face in this moment.  Somehow I kept my cool and someone must have awkwardly said OK because he proceeded to bring up her MySpace page (again with the MySpace.. Oh what a time to be alive).  He brings this chicks page up and goes on and on about how she works at Abercrombie & Fitch and she was approached and asked to model for them.  He literally kept saying things like "She's just so pretty" and "She's drop dead gorgeous" all while I am sitting RIGHT THERE.  Like was he mentally impaired?  By the way, the answer is yes, yes he was.  But seriously!  What an idiot!  It was so uncomfortable and went on for what felt like hours while he clicked through every single one of her photos on her profile.  Also, not to mention that's some borderline stalker shit right there.  Like, you do that shit in private not in front of a bunch of people, one of whom you are trying to date. COME ON MAN.  Use your brain.  Anyway, it resulted in me feeling even more insecure and spending our entire future relationship feeling as though I need to live up to this "model girlfriend" pun intended.

I honestly don't know what I was thinking... once again, it SHOULD HAVE BEEN A RED FLAG.


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