Friday, September 28, 2018

10 Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship

As you all know, I have had my fair share of shitty relationships.  But the thing about shitty relationships is that when you're in it, when it's you in the moment and in the relationship, it can be so so SO hard to see it the way that others with an outside perspective do.  Anyone can tell you that your significant other is treating you badly, but you won't see it until you are ready.   Love is blind... or some cliche shit like that.  Basically, there are a ton of signs that you may be in a toxic relationship, but I've somehow rounded it down to 10.  So HERE ::CLAP:: WE ::CLAP:: GO ::CLAP::

1. You keep things he/she does and says a secret

If your boyfriend or girlfriend does or says some things that hurt you but you refrain from telling anyone about it because you don't want your friends and family to judge them, that's baddddddd news bears.  Listen, I totally get wanting the most important people in your life to like the person you're dating, but if they're doing some shady shit that you keep to yourself because you know you're going to stay with them and you don't want their reputation to be tarnished, that's a huge sign right there.

2. He/she is jealous

I know it all too well... you can't even go out for drinks with the girls without your man blowing up your phone every two seconds asking what you're doing or who you're with.  It gets to a point where you refrain from even going out without them just to avoid the drama.  This is no bueno.  You should be able to go out and be 100% trusted.

3. You feel the need to snoop

The second he falls asleep or goes outside to mow the lawn and leaves his phone inside on the couch next to you, you pick it up and start your marathon of snooping. Tale as old as timeeeee.  Girlfriend, LISTEN TO ME and LISTEN TO ME GOOD.  The second you pick up that phone and start laying your little peepers on his texts, Facebook messages, browsing history, call log (you name it, we've snooped it), you have a one way ticket down a rabbit hole that you may never find your way back out of.  TRUST ME because I've totally been that girl.  The fact that you even feel the need or feel tempted to look says A LOT about your relationship.  When you're with the right person, the thought won't even cross your mind.  TRUST baby girl. T-R-U-S-T.  Plus, how do you think this will end? Either you're actually going to find something and totally break your own heart, or you're going to find absolutely nothing and then do it all again tomorrow. It's a vicious cycle of craziness.

4. Your significant other embarrasses you

If you're out with your friends and your man is making ridiculous borderline racist jokes or getting so drunk that he starts spitting on the floor of the casino and you would legit rather stick tooth-picks into your own eyeballs than still be in that mortified moment, it's safe to say your relationship might not be the best situation.

5. You're not equal partners

If you're constantly taking care of your significant other like that damn crying baby doll you took home for the week in high school child care class (what up Mrs. Sandstrom), you deserve so much better.  Or if you are in a respectable career and they are delivering pizzas in their '98 blacked out Corolla with no desire to move beyond that, it's gonna get real old real quick.  You need someone you can lean on and relate to, not someone that relies on you 100% to fulfill all of their basic human needs.  You need someone on your level.

6. Your goals are not the same

If you bring up the future and how you want a big wedding and 17 children with a house in the suburbs that has a picket white fence, and they dismiss it and mention that they aren't sure if they ever even want to get married, it's time to start packing it up.  You absolutely need to want the same things out of life as your partner otherwise it is never going to work without one of you being unhappy or giving up things that you really want.

7. You blame yourself for their shitty actions

He cheated on you but it's "not just his fault" and "we're both to blame" because you "have just been so busy with work lately".  Let me stop you right there.  A person is fully responsible for their own actions.  Maybe other things you did contributed to it, but they are in charge of how they react to situations and no matter what the case may be, what they do or say is NOT your fault.  So stop making excuses for them and putting it all on yourself.

8. You don't feel like a priority

I know the feeling.  You constantly feel as though other people and things are being put above you.  If you feel like everything else in their life is more important than you are, this is a huge sign.  You should always feel like a priority and one of the, if not THE most important person in his or her life.  Don't settle for anything less than that.

9.  Your friend and family are not huge fans

Unfortunately, the truth of how the people in your life REALLY feel about your significant other often does not come out until the relationship is already over.  And you have all these people saying "I never liked him" or "I never thought he was right for you anyway".  Oh, THANKS AUNT CAROL, where the hell was this opinion 9 months ago when I was making a Pinterest board of our future wedding?!  If you DO by some grace of God have that one golden outspoken friend or family member who will always very bluntly tell you what they think of your relationship even without you asking, listen to them. And thank them.  Even though it's not what you want to hear.  You don't even have to agree with them.  Just listen.

10. You're holding on to "the good times" 

But it can't be over.  Things were so good 4 months ago.  Listen, I totally get it.  But unfortunately, that was 4 months ago.  And this is now.  And if he's being a tool now, then he's a tool now.  And chances are the relationship isn't going to revert back to how it was.  It's always sweet in the beginning, but unfortunately sometimes it just turns sour and you can't cling on to the person you want them to be or thought they were.  Sometimes you hang on to the idea of them you have in your head rather than the actual person who is standing in front of you.

Bottom line is that you're all bad ass bitches.  I mean you must be if you're here reading this awesome blog, right? No but seriously, life is way too short to even spend one second being unhappy or stuck in the wrong situation.  You deserve to be stupid happy and to never even have to question if you're in the right relationship.  Because you'll just know.  Pinky promise.



  1. Man, where was this blog a year (or 5) ago when I really needed to hear it? ;) Thank goodness my eyes opened eventually and I saw just how toxic things had become...
    I love this blog post though, it's a great list with a lot of signs and things that people might not even realize they've been dealing with! Hopefully it helps other people see the light and get themselves to a healthier place!! :) <3

    1. 5 years ago I was also in a toxic relationship thinking I was living a fairy tale, so don't feel too bad! Haha It definitely takes time to see the light. Glad you liked it! Thank you! :)

  2. M, you da best!I really enjoy your passion for writing and life in general. Keep it up! - A

  3. So very, very true. Oh it's good to be single!