FIRST OF ALL. I want to take this opportunity to say YOU'RE WELCOME for the above visual of myself in 2008. It helps set the scene, trust me.
Let me take you way on back to the Summer of 2008. I was at the naive age of 18 and I had a bad habit of letting everyone walk all over me... a habit which I still haven't completely kicked but that's neither here nor there and I'm WORKING ON IT. OK?! So anyway, let me paint a picture for you. Back when I was 18, I thought I was a super cool punk rock chick (still do). I had my lip pierced, I wore PacSun everything, I was obsessed with Fall Out Boy and All Time Low and I just thought I was the baddest bitch on the block. So naturally, I had to have a boyfriend who was just as "badass". Because nothing says badass like poorly drawn tattoos and a lip piercing he did himself to "be more like me" (gag). Back when I had this boyfriend, let's just call him Moe, I was very insecure and I let people, especially boys, treat me like crap and I would still move mountains for them in return. There were a bajillion awful things that Moe did to me, but this one in particular really sticks out.
That summer, Moe invited me to go to a party in the woods in his town. Of course I accepted, especially because at this point in time Moe refused to call me his girlfriend and I was desperate to do anything that may help that along. As the time of the party grew closer, I remember thinking that Moe was acting weird. He was slow to answer texts, wouldn't really give me a straight answer on the plans, and looking back on it was totally giving me every hint that he didn't want me to go anymore but I was so blinded by love that I didn't see it then. Finally, he told me to meet him at the opening of the trail that said party was at. He couldn't even have me meet him at his house and take me with him... Instead, he had me GPS (Didn't have cellphones with GPS at this point kids, I had my old school Garmin plugged into my cigarette lighter) some weird ass parking lot in a town I wasn't even familiar with, and park my car there (SO. MANY. RED. FLAGS. I KNOW.). So. I meet Moe at this random spot, leave my beloved Ronda the Honda there, and we begin walking through the woods with a group of his friends. This was like a solid mile or two into the woods just to arrive at this party spot. As we are walking to our destination, Moe wasn't even walking with me! He was up ahead and I was forced to make awkward conversation with some of his friends I had never even met before. I should have ran right then and there.
Once we arrive at this "party" I won't lie, it was pretty fun. I had my best friend Captain Morgan with me so I guess anything at that point would have seemed like a good time. However, I do remember that Moe was barely with me throughout the night and I just made my rounds getting to know strangers and pretending I wasn't extremely uncomfortable. You know one of those public situations where you feel so awkward that you just keep taking sips and before you know it you're drunk? Yep. Hi. Me that night. So next thing I know, this party is interrupted by police flashlights and a cop yelling "Don't run! Don't run!" So what does everyone do? Run. Now here I am, clearly not of drinking age, clearly not sober (sorry, Mom!), in the middle of the woods at a party. What do you think I did....? YA. I RAN LIKE FORREST FRICKEN GUMP STRAIGHT OUTTA THE LEG BRACES. However. Little Mr. Moe ran too. With 0 regard to me and my whereabouts, he just bolted. Didn't grab my hand, didn't make sure I was following, nothing. Just left me. So I was totally by myself, running through the woods in the pitch black, not even on any kind of path, just in the thick of the woods.. tripping over logs, running into prickly bushes and, in case you forgot, drunk. So I'm walking and walking for what felt like hours, calling this mofo over and over and over. No answer. FINALLY he calls me and the first thing he says is "I thought you were behind me". Ok first of all, ass hat, all you had to do was LOOK behind you to see that I was not, in fact, there. SECOND of all, when you realized I was not behind you, why didn't you effing look for me or call my name or CALL MY LIMITED EDITION PINK MIAMI INK RAZR FLIP PHONE?! DOUCHEEEEEEEEE. Ahem, anyway. So during my journey to find Moe, I come across this other kid who was at the party so HE, basically a total stranger, takes it upon HIMSELF to make sure I'm OK and refuses to let me keep walking alone. I remember thinking, wow he is so nice! But really, that's just what any decent human being would and should do. So, we finally find where Moe and his loser friends are, I am legit covered in scrapes and scratches and literally dripping blood from cuts and the nice boy who walked with me says to Moe "your girl is pretty beat up!" And Moe responds with, "Yeah I have cuts all over me too, look!" and proceeded to reveal all of his (non-existent) injuries..................................................................................................................................................
So, just in case you need further clarification, instead of asking if I'm ok, or trying to help me, or OH I DON'T KNOW, apologizing to me?! Moe just has to one-up my condition and play it off like it's nothing. WHAT A DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
Any who, I ended up going home that night and getting to bed at like 3 am, waking up at 7am to go to Warped Tour with my friend (punk rock kid, told ya) and spending the day in mosh pits while sweaty strangers rub all up on my open wounds - all while running on barely any sleep. GOOD. TIMES.
Oh. I bet you're all wondering "What happened after that?! Did you stay with him?!" LOL GUYS OF COURSE I DID. I WAS A DUMB ASS. Well, I should say, he continued to string me along all summer all while having another girl at the same time yet denying it, then randomly being "in a relationship" on Facebook. Oh but don't worry, my stupidity doesn't end there. I ended up legit dating him for reals like the following year. Remember the story about the drunk kid leaving my family parties? LOL. Bingo.
Thank God I Raised My Standards