Saturday, January 28, 2017

First Impression Friday - The One With the LARPer


  First Impression Friday is a bi-weekly (or whenever I feel like it)  blog series in which I tell comical stories about ridiculous first encounters I've had with members of the opposite sex.  This will alternate with Red Flag Friday whenever I see fit.

  The story starts like this:  A few weeks ago I was enjoying a leisurely drink at a bar with my mother, aunt and cousins. We were heading to a movie and decided to have a cocktail beforehand.  We had our giggle juice, left the bar and began walking over to the movie theater.  As we were leaving, a girl chased us out of the bar.  She came up to me and said something along the lines of "Excuse me, sorry to bother you.."  (At this point I was 99% sure I was being hit on my a woman - not that there's anything wrong with that.... but anyway)  "My friend in there thinks you're really cute but was too nervous to talk to you.  Can I have your name so he can find you on Facebook?"  - Yes ladies and gents we now live in a world where instead of asking someone for their number, you ask for their Facebook.  At this point, I was a little wary considering  I had 0 idea what the guy even looked like.  But I decided to play along, I mean what do I have to lose right? RIGHT?! So I wrote down my name and went on my merry way to the movie.
  Later that evening, I received a friend request.  All I was able to see was a profile picture.  He wasn't awful looking, looked a little nerdy but I wasn't ruling it out. So I did what I do best and I began creeping.  Upon my investigation I found the Facebook page of his (hopefully ex) wife.  I began scrolling through photos and it quickly became clear that my admirer was... indeed... a LARPer.  What is LARP you might ask?  According to Urban Dictionary (a very credible source) it is - 

LARP - Live Action Role Play - a type of game where a group of people wear costumes representing a character they create to participate in an agreed fantasy world. Uses foam sticks as swords, foam balls as magic and other props to create the games world. 

  Pretty cool, right?  Now I'm not judging (OK maybe I am a little bit) but that's just not the kind of thing I'm into.  I'm talking there were photos of him in full on Medieval garb .  Another one of him in full make-up looking like a character out of  Avatar.  His wedding photo's were themed as some kind of elf fairy land prince and princess.  I probably sound like a huge asshole here, but that's my luck.  I get approached in public and it just HAS to be a LARPer.  I mean, I'm still extremely flattered that someone saw me and immediately wanted to make me part of their Royal Court.  But long story short, I denied the friend request and received multiple messages.  When I explained to the LARPer that I had recently gotten out of a long relationship and wasn't looking for anything, he asked me to go out to a "non-committal dinner" - WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

I'm doomed.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

I'm Surrounded by Douchebags.

  Being propelled into the dating world again has been exciting, entertaining, fun and most of all, extremely disappointing.  I've been going on my fair share of dates and going out with friends socializing at different watering holes.  I've met a handful of men and I've noticed one common trait they all share - none of them know how to treat a woman, let alone date.  Since when is it acceptable for a first date to be "come over to my house to watch a movie"?! Is chivalry so dead in 2017 that men can't even be bothered to put on some pants and take us out on a nice date?  It's unbelievable, really.  No, I don't want to sit on your couch and watch the Patriots game for our first date.  And no, I definitely don't want to "go hang out in your hotel room" for our first date either.  What happened to wooing a girl that you're interested in? What happened to flowers and fancy dinners?  What has happened to dating and why is it now taken so lightly and casually?
  This past Friday night, I spent the evening chatting with a handsome, smart, successful man in a bar. As the night came to a close, I expected to exchange numbers and hopefully plan a date for another night. Instead, I received a kiss on the cheek and a whisper in my ear of "Let's go back to my place". Gross.  Is it just now assumed that everyone in the world is easy and is sleeping with someone immediately the new norm? Sorry, but if you're not going to go through the effort of planning a nice date for me, you're definitely not getting any action.
  Is it possible that in the age of dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, members of the opposite sex are so readily available that they are now taken for granted?  Since another person is now just one swipe away, does this make us more disposable and less valuable?  Do men not feel the need to put in effort because they know if their lazy attempt at a date fails with one girl, they can find another one within 5 swipes in a 10 mile radius?  That's the problem with dating today.  Instead of putting in some real, genuine effort, it has become the new norm to simply message a girl, send her a few cute GIF's and then ask her over. Are there any men left out there who want to put forth actual effort or am I doomed to accept emojis as flirting and cuddling as a first date? Pray for me.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Signs You're in the Wrong Relationship

  Ever have one of those relationships where you think it's all rainbows and butterflies but once it's over, you look back on everything that took place and think - "Why the hell did I stick around for so long!?".  Well, let me just say that I feel this way about every single last one of my relationships.  And I've had A LOT.  loljk but I have had a handful and when these things happened, I kinda wish I had someone there smacking me, telling me I'm an idiot for sticking around... even though I probably wouldn't have listened. I think when we are in any relationship, we want so badly for it to be this magical, flawless thing that we often times choose to ignore or simply forget really bad things that are done to us.  I've put together a little list of some signs that looking back on, really should have been a big clue to me that certain relationships were never going to work out.

1. He or She Does Not Stand Up For You - This is a big one.  If your boyfriend or girlfriend does not stand up for you, they have no business being your significant other.  Whether you are right or wrong in any given situation, your boyfriend or girlfriend should always be on your side. If anyone is saying anything negative about you, even if it's their mother or their best friend, they better have your back.  Or else, walk away.  You should never feel like anyone else comes before you.

2. You Have Different Views on Family - If one of you is very close with your family and wants to see them frequently and the other is more used to seeing their family like once a month, it may cause some issues.  Especially when they put up a fight about coming to your family things because they just don't understand.

4. You Seek the Thrill of the Chase Again - If you're in a committed relationship and you suddenly find yourself being interested in other people and wanting to pursue them, this is an issue.  If you seek that thrill of the beginning of a relationship where everything is new and fresh again, it may be time to move on.  

5. He or She Doesn't Communicate Their Feelings - If you're constantly having to ask them "What's wrong" and they keep telling you nothing, when you KNOW something is bothering them, that's an issue.  Because in a few weeks it's all going to pour out of them like lava.  You need someone who is going to communicate things to you and not keep things hidden inside. 

6. He or She Does Not Enjoy Doing The Same Activities As You - Don't get me wrong, I think having your own hobbies and interests is fantastic.  But if one of you likes to go hiking and camping and the other one just wants to play video games and smoke weed all day, it's probably not going to work.

7. They Try To Change You (Or You Try to Change Them) - If they throw you some bullshit line like, "You Should Do Your Hair Like This" or "You Should Be More Outgoing".  EFF OUTTA HERE.  You don't need that in your life.  You're perfect the way you are.  Sorry if they can't see that. 

8. You're at Different Places In Your Lives - If you're going to your 9-5 office job and they're spending the day hanging out with their friends on the beach collecting unemployment for no solid reason, MOVE ON.  

9. How He or She Reacts During an Argument - If you get into an argument and you are sitting there bawling your eyes out and they don't care even a little bit and sit there with a stone cold look on their face, BUH-BYE.  I'm not saying they should crumble and apologize at the sight of a tear (although that would be nice) but at least pretend to feel a little bit bad.  Also, if they refuse to talk things out and give you the silent treatment for a day, SO not worth it.

10. Your Needs Aren't Being Met - Whatever your needs are, whether they are within reason or not, if they aren't being met and you're not happy, then it's time to move on.  Whether you need them to show you more affection or come to more events with you, you need to feel like you're getting what you need or go find someone who can provide that to you.

12. You're Doing All The Work - If you find yourself being the one to always apologize first or you're always the one to compromise, time to move on.   You should not be the only one putting effort into the relationship.  Because that's not a relationship at all.

13. You Start Noticing Other Attractive People - If you catch yourself checking out that guy at Starbucks or staring a little too long at the guy in the big truck next to you at the red light, it may be time to move on.  If you're entertaining the idea of anyone else, you're probably curious about what else is out there and maybe it's time to explore that.

14. You Don't Like Each Others Friends - I am a firm believer that your friends are a reflection of you and who you are as a person.  If you hate all of their friends, then that really says something about them.  And if they don't like your friends, then how are you ever going to have a healthy relationship?  Friends are a really big part of your life and you need someone who embraces your friends as their own.

15. Just Follow Your Gut - Always trust your gut, girlfriend.  It's your BFF.  If deep down you feel like you can do better and deserve much more, listen to it.  There are a bajillion people in this world. You owe it to yourself to explore that and find all that you want and more.