Friday, December 30, 2016

RED FLAG FRIDAY - CHAPTER 4 - Look, you're a fungi, but...


  Red Flag Friday is a weekly blog series in which I tell ridiculous relationship stories I've gathered from my own life and the lives of my friends and family.  Every Friday I will share a crazy story that should have, at the time, been a red flag.  For the sake of saving many people a great deal of embarrassment, the stars of these stories will be kept anonymous.

  Please forgive the awful pun in the title.  But given the story I'm about to tell and my deep love for all things punny, I couldn't resist. Looking back on 99% of these stories, specifically the ones that happened to me personally, I don't blame you if you judge me.  No, seriously... because re-visiting the ridiculous things I have put up with in the past, I'm judging myself.  So, without further adieu, here we go kids... Hang onto your diapies, babies.. cause this one's a doozy. 
  Many years ago, OK so really like only 5, a young girl found herself fresh out of college and immediately hired at a full time office job.  She was very proud of herself for getting hired in her field so soon after graduating and earning herself a steady paycheck.  At the time, she had a boyfriend of a few years.  He was 2 years younger than her, which is really like a 4 year difference in boy years.  They had met when she was younger and still in her "party" phase of life.  However, I should mention that this girl did not participate in any drugs whatsoever, just had a deep love for vodka/crans.  As she matured, it slowly became clear to her that he wasn't exactly keeping up with her pace.  But she didn't realize the full impact of that difference until a few years down the road.
  At the time that the red flag occurred, the boyfriend was living in a frat house at a nearby college with several other boys who weren't necessarily the best influences on him.  On one particular day, the girl received a text from the boy saying that he really needed to talk to her and asked if he could call her on her office phone.  Obviously worried that something was wrong, the girl immediately called him from her desk.  Frantic, she got a hold of him and asked what was up.  The exact words exchanged escape me, but they went something like this:  "Hey babe.. I was just calling to let you know that I'm going to do Mushrooms today."  .............................................. And no, I'm not joking.  Her response was something to the effect of "Are you f*cking kidding me right now?!". She went on to tell him that if he spent the day taking psychedelic drugs with his boyfriends while she worked at her full time office job, she was going to break up with him.  He was taken aback by this, and thought he was boyfriend of the year for informing her of his plan before going through with it.  Long story short, he did the mushrooms, she didn't speak to him for 2 days, and they continued to date for a few years after that.
  RIDICULOUS, I know.  It took me, er.. I mean, HER, a very long time to realize what she deserved and the type of man she wanted to be with.  It took some time to recognize that they were on very different levels and wanted different things out of life.  Oh and in case you're wondering, he still leads a very similar life now that he did then.  ::eye roll::


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