Sunday, November 27, 2016

How to Get Over a Breakup

  Let me start out by saying that there is no magic potion or secret pill that will instantly make you get over your heartbreak.  There is absolutely nothing that can make you feel immediately better and the only thing that will heal you, as cliche as it is, is time.  That's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the cold hard truth.  HOWEVER, fear not brokenhearted people - because there are things you can do to at least help you along the way and speed up the process as much as possible.  After much research and trial and error, these are the things that work for me and I think will work for you too.

1. This Too Shall Pass - One very important thing you need to realize is that this feeling is only temporary.  I know that in the moment, you may feel like that very intense burning sensation in your chest will last forever, but I promise you that over time it will become less and less.  In order to start healing you need to know that there is an end in sight, this isn't the end of the world although it definitely feels like it when it's happening.  I know you're probably thinking things like "My life is over", "I'll never find anyone like them", "I'm going to be alone forever", "I'm going to feel this feeling forever", "I'm never going to get over them" etc. etc. blah blah blah.  TRUST ME, I know,  I, myself thought every single one of those things.  But once you accept the fact that you WILL get over it and you WILL move on, the rest of the process becomes a whole lot easier.

2. No Contact - Do not, I repeat, DO NOT contact your ex.  I don't care how sad you are and how badly you want to speak to them.  I don't care how many Jack and Gingers you sucked down and think calling him is an excellent idea.  Trust me, IT'S NOT.  The very best thing you can do for yourself during a breakup is to cut off all contact with that person.  The more you talk to them and drag it out, the more difficult the entire process is going to be.  Besides, a girl can only be told "I don't want to be with you" so many times.  Do you really want to be told over and over again that someone doesn't want you? No, you don't.  So save yourself the prolonged heartache and make yourself a promise that you will not text, call, Facebook stalk or do any drive by's. Delete them from all social media, delete them from your life. Trust me, you'll thank me. No one needs to see their ex posting photos having a great time when you would much rather picture them crying on their couch, missing you like crazy.

3. Acceptance - You need to accept what has happened.  It is so easy to be in denial about the situation - I know.  You think to yourself, "I can fix this.  I can get him back".  You dissect the entire relationship and put all of the blame on yourself.  You convince yourself that the downfall of the relationship falls solely on everything you did wrong.  One thing you need to realize is that no matter what you did wrong, it takes two people to contribute to the demise of a relationship.  You are both at fault and it is not all about things that you did or didn't do.  Another thing - do you really want someone back who dumped you?  No, you don't.  Because, take it from me, even if you get them back, they'll just dump you again.  You need to realize that the relationship ended for a reason and that even if you got back together, those reasons would still be there and the relationship will eventually fail again.  It's called "breakup" because it's broken.  Once you fully accept that the relationship is done and will not be revived, you are on your way to healing.

4. Talk About It - This.  Talk about how you feel.  Talk about it until you're blue in the face.  Tell your friends over and over how shitty you feel and all of the terrible things he did to you.  You need to get these feelings out in order to fully process them.  If you think your friends are getting annoyed, consider seeing a counselor or therapist.  There is no shame in this.  Whatever you need to do to get all of your feelings out there, do it.  Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're not crazy and that you're not wrong for the way you're feeling.  After awhile, you're going to become sick of talking about it.  And you won't have anything left to say.  That's when you know you're starting to get over it.

5. Keep Busy - Listen, I know that all you want to do right now is lay in bed with your dog and a bottle of wine and cry about how no one loves you and throw things at your TV when there's a love scene.  And you are totally allowed to do this - but don't make it a habit.  Give yourself a day or two to wallow but after that, you need force yourself, yes FORCE yourself to get out of bed and go do something.  You're going to feel very much like not speaking to anyone and staying in your dungeon of a bedroom but you need to physically pick yourself up, make yourself take a shower, put on a cute outfit, throw on some lipstick and handle your shit.  Make yourself go out with your friends.  Even if the entire time you're out, you don't want to be there.  Go get your buzz on and get hit on.  Fake it til you make it.  Exercise! Going for a daily walk or run can work wonders for a broken heart.  Having any kind of routine will help you immensely, this I promise.  Plus, if you're exercising regularly then you're gonna look and feel like a hot bitch.  Find some new hobbies!  Try and remember what it is that YOU enjoy doing.

6. Date Yourself - I know you're feeling pretty bad about yourself right now.  Your insecurities are probably at an all time high.  Make yourself feel good!  Go get your hair and nails done!  Go get a massage! Go shopping and buy some new outfits! Treat yourself like the princess that you know you are. When we are in relationships we put all of our energy into doing things for the other person.  Our lives revolve around them. We try so hard to make them happy that we often forget to do things for ourselves.  Well, now's your chance!  Do things for yourself.  LOVE yourself.  Whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself, do it.  Take yourself out to dinner.  Buy yourself flowers.  Enjoy sleeping alone and being able to sprawl out across the entire bed.  Date yourself!

7. Meet New People -  There is nothing more refreshing than going out and meeting new people.  It really puts things into perspective and makes you realize that there are SO many people in this world. Surrounding yourself with new people and getting to know them will make you feel so much better.  I'm not necessarily saying go out and meet new guys, but by all means, if that's going to help your cause then do it girlfriend!  But. make new friends!  Sign up for events or classes you wouldn't normally do.  Put yourself out there and open yourself up to new experiences.

8. Figure Out What You Want - As much as breakups suck, there is something beautiful about the end of a relationship.  I know, I know, you're thinking "There is NOTHING beautiful about this mascara running down my face." but hear me out.  You are being handed this golden opportunity.  You get to start over. I know you probably miss your ex and rightfully so, but take this moment to think of all of the things you DIDN'T like about this person and the relationship you had with them.  Make a list.  Reread it daily.  Obviously the relationship wasn't perfect or else it wouldn't have ended.  Use this time to realize what you REALLY want in a person.  This is your chance to be picky!  Raise your standards.  Set yourself up for the most amazing relationship ever.  If you go into something knowing exactly what you want and deserve, you will no longer settle for anything less.

I could go on and on about different things you can do to help yourself heal, but these are my top 8 tips and things that have helped me immensely.  If you make an active effort to do these things daily, then I promise you that you'll get over it a lot sooner than you think.  This isn't the end of the world.  You will feel better.  You will feel more than better.  When this is all over you're going to feel like a whole new person.  More confident and sure of yourself than ever.  Promise.

If you're a reader like me, here are a few books that helped me out and I highly recommend: