Tuesday, November 28, 2017

The difference a year can make...

 

     I can't believe it has been an entire year since I first released this blog into the interwebs.  If you do so recall, at that time in my life I was living with my parents, sleeping on a futon in my childhood bedroom and living out of boxes.  I was licking my wounds, piecing my heart back together and trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want out of a relationship or more importantly, life in general.  I was in the process of rediscovering exactly who I am.
  Well, here we are a year later, and I still have no idea what it is that I'm looking for.  However, I think I am getting closer and closer to that knowledge every day.  I've had many conversations with others about dating and relationships and I always get asked the same few questions - "Why don't you just date so and so?", "Why are you so picky?", "Why don't you just give him a chance?".  And in being asked these questions, it occurred to me.  It is so common for people to, for lack of a better word, "settle" for a significant other who is great on paper.  Who "makes sense".  Who shows them the slightest bit of affection and makes them feel good about themselves.  A relationship that is comfortable.  Well, call me crazy, but if there is anything I have learned in this past year, especially after observing others and their relationship tendencies, it is that I do not want to fall into something that is just mediocre.  
  I have spent my entire life dating men who I like.  The first guy who came my way who I was attracted to and I seemed to get along with, I would date. No questions asked. Just seemed like the thing to do.  But I realized that I wanted more than "he's a great guy".  I desired more than "we get along really well".  I needed more than "he treats me well".  I want "he's the greatest person I've ever known".  I desire "I can't stop thinking about him".  I need "I get the butterflies whenever he looks at me". 

"It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff"  

- It Takes Two


 However, I am learning that these feelings do not always come initially. I am learning that "love-at-first-sight" is rarely the case. I am learning to give people more of a chance before quickly shutting them out like I have been known to do.  However, I still plan on holding out for that kind of love that makes me feel like I am living in a Taylor Swift song (the love songs, not the ones about the break-ups.  Think "New Year's Day" status).

    One year ago, I posted my blog on Facebook, hands shaking, thinking I would either be supported, be mocked or be ignored all together.  There is something very vulnerable and raw about putting your feelings, especially those that involve a breakup (or any life altering event), into words for everyone to see.  The amount of love and support I received from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers has been worth it alone.  I never imagined that my words would have such an impact on others and be so relatable to so many people. All of the positivity certainly overshadowed the select few who viewed it negatively or took it personally.
    The big difference between myself a year ago and myself now?  I know exactly who I am. I have never been more confident in myself.  And that fact alone is something to celebrate.

HAPPY ONE YEAR, 
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A RIESLING! 



Monday, September 25, 2017

An Open Letter to My Ex-boyfriend - Chapter 1



  I've been thinking a lot lately about my past relationships and how each one has taught me different lessons.  Each boyfriend in every different stage of my life has helped shape me into the woman I am now.  I truly believe that each one of them played a part in not only the person I am, but in helping me realize what I want and deserve.  I've decided to address each one (anonymously) in an open letter.  Each "chapter" will be dedicated to a different relationship - whether long term or short - that I feel has impacted my life.  I respect each and every one, which is why I have given each of these men an alias for the purpose of this blog.


Dear Voldemort,

     It's been awhile.  Just about 8 or 9 years, I believe. I have honestly thought multiple times about what I would say if I ever spoke to you again, but now that I'm staring at this blank screen, I've never felt so speechless.
     We met on MySpace (yes kids - back in the day, MySpace was actually cool).  At that time in my life, I was extremely insecure.  I had a very low opinion of myself and had it in my head that no guy could ever be attracted to me.  So, when I got your message on MySpace, you can imagine my surprise.  To be honest, you could have been anyone.  I would have taken anyone as my boyfriend at that time in my life, because I convinced myself that I wasn't pretty enough or cool enough to get one.
     Remember that night you came over to my parents house and we were watching a movie in the basement?  You fell asleep and your phone kept lighting up.  I'm not proud, but I looked.  You were receiving texts from like 3 different girls.  One of them was a heart.  I shook you awake and kicked you out.  You left but then we got back together the next day.  Man, was I stupid. Remember that time you invited me to a party in the middle of the woods in a town I didn't know?  And when the police showed up - you ran away and left me to fend for myself?  I ran through the woods with strangers and got all cut up from picky bushes.  And when I finally found you, full of scrapes and bleeding, all you could do was tell me how you were hurt worse than I was. Remember that time that you came with me to my Aunts wedding, and we went to the after party at someones house?  Remember the owners of the house specifically saying that we could not drink because we were underage, and you stole beer anyway?  And then when you got caught, you were so embarrassed that you fled the party? I spent 2 hours looking for you and when I finally found you, you were laughing and thought it was the funniest thing.  There was nothing funny to me about you embarrassing me in front of my family.  And remember when you did the same exact thing a few months later at another family party?  What the hell was wrong with you?!  Better yet, what the hell was wrong with me for still staying with you?!  Remember that time that we were arguing in my car?  You were wasted and you punched my dashboard and put a huge crack in it? And I kept trying to get you out of my car but you wouldn't?  I didn't tell you then, but in that moment I actually feared for my safety.  I was scared of you.  Remember that time I broke up with you for good and you got so mad that you posted a Facebook status, for everyone (including my family) to see, saying how much of a "slut" I was and refused to take it down, even when I called you sobbing?
     Truth be told, I spent a long time hating you.  You really did put me through hell.  I cannot count how many times I tried breaking up with you, only to later feel bad and fall right back into the same cycle.  Despite all of the awful things you did, our relationship did teach me a lot.  From that moment on, I promised myself that I would never stay with someone who disrespected my family.  Breaking up with you showed me that I am strong and I had no reason to be so insecure.  Our relationship taught me not to settle for just any guy who happens to show some interest in me.  You were my first "real" relationship.  So, thank you for setting the tone and for laying the foundation of what I know I want in a relationship today.  Although our time together does not spark any "good" memories, it does remind me what I have overcome and what I DON'T want in a relationship.  At this point, I don't have any ill feelings toward you.  Too much time has passed and we are both completely different people now.  I will say this: I hope you have grown up.  I hope that whoever you marry, you treat with love and respect.  I hope that if our relationship taught you anything, it is how to NOT treat a woman.  And above all, I hope that wherever you are, you're truly happy.

-MJ

Friday, August 18, 2017

The Settlers.

 

  Guess who's back.  Back again.  Holy guacamole I just realized I haven't written a blog post since May.  What's with that?!  It's like I'm actually enjoying life and not finding anything I feel the need to rant about.  Well, fear not freaks!  Cause I have once again found something that's bothering the shit out of me that I feel the need to express to everyone and anyone that decides to read this.
  You guys.  There are 7.442 billion people in this world. 7.442 BILLION.  And for some god-forsaken reason, men and women still insist on settling for that one douche-bag or bitch who doesn't give them exactly what they want and deserve.  What's with that?! Don't get me wrong, I am SOOO guilty of this.  You find someone, you fall in love, and you convince yourself that their 495 imperfections are something you can "accept" because you "love them".  PUH-LEASE PEOPLE. This is bullshit! You get one life, kids.  ONE LIFE.  Why on earth do you want to spend even a second of it with someone who doesn't make you utterly and ridiculously over-the-moon happy and in love MOST of the time?!  I'm not that naive, I know that every relationship has it's ups and downs and nothing is ever perfect, but come onnnnnnn.  Why are women staying with the guy who doesn't call them when they say they will, or doesn't show up to the family party they swore they'd be at, or is constantly flirting with other girls?  And why are men staying with the woman who picks apart every single thing they do and makes them miserable on a daily basis?  It just blows my mind, honestly.  Each and every single one of us deserves to be stupidly happy.  Why are you settling?! Why are you wasting a minute of your life with someone who isn't perfect for you when you could be spending that time finding someone who is?  Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone and single than with someone I am not 100% sure is right for me.  And ANOTHER thing.  Why do people keep taking their ex's back over and over?!  A leopard never changes its' spots kids.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all about second chances.  But 3rd, 4th, 5th?! Get outta hereeeeeeee with that nonsense. They were dumb enough to let you go in the first place so why are you even going to entertain the idea of letting them back in? The relationship ended for a reason... that reason is most likely still a factor.
  I've been thinking a lot lately about why people settle and accept the bullshit that they do.  And I have come to the conclusion that fear plays a BIG part in it.  Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of change.  All of these things prevent us from leaving the very thing (person, in this case) that is causing our unhappiness.  We get in this routine where we just accept things the way they are and convince ourselves we don't have an option.  Well, guess what?  You do!  It's not an easy thing by any means, but you owe it to yourself to say "SEE YA LATER" to that significant other that isn't fulfilling you anymore.  It's OK to be selfish. Do you really want to spend your time with someone that you know in the back of your mind will never change or make you as happy as you deserve, when someone who very well could, could be right around the corner?  That's just silly.  WAKE UP.  This is your only life.  You owe it to yourself to live it to the damn fullest.
  So, in conclusion, STOP SETTLING.  Leave that d-bag that your family hates and leave that gal who only wants you when its convenient for her. Don't stay with that person who just makes you "happy" when you know very well you could find someone who makes you drunk in love.  Just BE HAPPY and LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE. I know that I, for one, will not be settling for anyone who doesn't make me feel like I'm living out the lyrics to a damn country song. That's about all I have to say so I'll leave you with this cheesy quote.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” - Candace Bushnell 

Friday, May 26, 2017

How to be Single.

 


    As I sit here on my third (or fourth or fifth or maybe I just finished the entire bottle of rosé) glass of wine (but who's counting?!), I realized - It's a Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my couch, blasting country music, and have never been more content in my entire life.  There was a time, not that long ago actually, where I got instant anxiety at the thought alone of not having plans on a Friday or Saturday night.  Come Monday, I would frantically text my friends asking to make plans for the weekend.  The thought of staying home sounded sad and lonely and I avoided it like the plague.  Don't get me wrong, I love going out with my friends on the weekends.  But there's something extremely empowering about being able to stay in on a Friday/Saturday night by yourself and be OK in doing so.
    When you're in a relationship, it's as if every day, especially the weekend, is pre-planned out for you.  You aren't sure exactly what you'll be doing, but you do know who you'll be doing it with.  When you suddenly find yourself single, that can be a little bit challenging because you have to fill that void.  It can be difficult to go from always having a partner in crime to being your own best friend (that sounds depressing but I promise it's positive).  I know a LOT of people who come out of a relationship and instantly begin searching for a new one.  The first semi-attractive/compatible person who comes their way, they begin a new relationship with.  Hell, I'm guilty of this as well.  This is the first time that I've been single and I haven't been constantly looking for a new boyfriend.  I have been "browsing" my options and I have gone on dates, but I'm not putting all of my effort into finding the next Mr. Melanie.  
    Being single, I mean truly, really 100% single, is an art in itself.  It isn't easy, I won't lie, but if you commit yourself to it, it can be the most liberating, eye opening experience you will ever have.  What does being single really mean?  Being single means being OK with meeting your coupled up friends out for dinner and showing up solo.  Being single means not having anyone question where you are or who you are with.  Being single means not having anyone that you need to call when you get home. Being single means cooking dinner for one.  Being single means blasting your favorite song and not worrying about if anyone else likes it.  Being single means being able to commit to events without having to ask another person.  Being single means going out with the girls on a Saturday night and not feeling the need to rush home to anyone.
    As much as being single can suck sometimes, I don't think you can really be with someone new until you're fully, truly, 100% alone for a little while.  After all, how can you be happy with someone else if you aren't happy with yourself?  If you begin looking for a new person immediately and get into another serious relationship within, like, 3 months of your last one, did you really even have time to figure out who you are and what you really want?  This could just be my opinion but for me, having this time, about 8 months now, to be single, has been effing fantastic. For the first time in a very long time I feel like I finally know exactly who I am.  I know what I like, I know what I don't, I know what I stand for, I know what makes me tick, and most importantly, I know exactly what I am looking for in another person.
    So be single!  Stay in on a Friday night.  Take your sweet ass time.  Enjoy your own company.  Cook yourself an amazing meal.  Buy yourself the more expensive wine ($14 is expensive for me, OK!?!) .  Most importantly, don't put any pressure on yourself to find someone.  BE PICKY.  I cannot stress this enough.  Don't settle down with the first guy who shows you some attention. Remember:  You're a bad ass bitch with a killer bod and you smell like pine needles and have a face like sunshine - And don't ever let anyone tell you different.  CAN I GET AN AMEN.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

The Chameleon Effect



  What uppppp party peopleeeeee!  Ok ok sorry... I'm just a LITTLE excited.  Why?  Because it's been like over a month since I've written and I'm finally back! Where have I been, you might ask?  Well I haven't written in a while for a few reasons.  One of which being that things have just been going really really well for me and I've been so busy with life that I haven't had the time (or anything to complain about) :).  I also have had some ideas floating around in my brain to write about, but nothing that I felt passionate enough about to put on the internet and I didn't want to force anything just for the sake of making a post.  So, here we are!  But I'm back and I'm READY to PARRRRTAYYYYYYYY

  So, my little petunias, we are gathered here today to discuss The Chameleon Effect.  Yes, that's right, I said CHAMELEON.  What is the Chameleon effect, you might ask?  Well I'm pretty sure there's some scientific meaning behind it but for the sake of today's post, it refers to someone who takes on the traits/characteristics/hobbies etc of someone they have been spending time with.  In this case, I'm referring to guys or girls who start dating someone and become exactly like them.  
  We all know these types of people so don't act like you don't.  Hell, chances are you've probably dated one... I know I have.  A few, actually. Honestly, we're probably all a little bit guilty of being chameleons ourselves at one point.  But why?
  It's so crazy to me how sometimes when you date someone, you lose your individuality a little bit.  You kind of forget who you were before them.  Your life revolves around them and things that you like to do together, so the things you once enjoyed on your own are soon a distant memory.  On the other side of it, it can be extremely annoying when you date a chameleon. I dated one once, and suddenly all the music I liked, all the activities and movies I loved were his "favorite".  I drew the line when he started becoming obsessed with Taylor Swift.  SHE'S MINE, OK?!
  It's also extremely interesting to see such things from an outside perspective.  When someone you know begins dating someone new and you notice that they start dressing differently, acting differently and becoming interested in different things. It's wild to see someone go from dating you and being into running and country music and wine to dating someone new and suddenly doing Crossfit and going on tropical vacations. It's almost like you don't really ever know who someone is because they could just be a combination product of all of the people they have ever dated or been friends with.   Whoaaaa that's deep stuff bro.  Anyway, the moral of the story is just be yourselves kids!  Don't start dressing like a ghetto fab princess just because you start dating a papi chulo, know what I'm sayin'?  Yea? Ok, great.  Now get back out there and keep doing you babes.  Rock on with your bad self.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Unsolicited Dood Nudz.

  Before I dive into this topic, I'd like to take a minute to apologize to my mother and anyone else who may be reading this that holds me in their mind as an innocent little butterfly.  What you are about to read may frighten you, shock you and make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. However, I cannot be held responsible for the actions of others. I would like to take this opportunity to address men on behalf of women everywhere. Here we go.

Dear Men,

  It has been brought to my attention, and unfortunately my eyeballs, that you have taken it upon yourselves to grace the presence of our phone screens with awkwardly angled photos of your Johnsons. I wanted to take this moment to address you directly and let you know how it feels to be on the receiving end of such things.
  First of all, let me tell you what immediately happens when such things are received.  A screenshot.  Yes, the dreaded screenshot.  We instantaneously screenshot that nonsense and send it in our groupchat with our girlfriends.  Then, everything about your photo is critiqued and giggled at.  Like the baby stroller in the background of the photo... why do you have that?! Or the fact that you sent it at night time but you can clearly tell it was taken in day time... do you just keep these pictures on standby for whenever you might need them?!  Also the fact that you obviously took it at such an angle to make objects appear larger than they are. NOT TO MENTION the fact that these photo's 99.9% of the time are COMPLETELY unprovoked. The only message an unprovoked d*ck pic sends is that you think we are going to sleep with you.  Which, even if we were, we sure as hell aren't now.

 Exhibit A:

 OK, dude.  What part of that conversation lead you to believe that a picture of your wien was desired?  Was it the part where you suggested hanging out and you were ignored?  You just thought to yourself, "Oh, she didn't respond.  I know what will get her to hang out with me!" ::eye roll:: Just because you love the sight of your own body part doesn't mean we will too.  Look, I'm really happy for you that you're so proud of it ... but like... NO THANK YOU.  Also, when you send something like that, are you expecting us to reciprocate and send a photo back?  Cause it's not happening, sir. 
 So, in conclusion, please refrain from sending us snapshots of your peen unless, on the VERY rare occasion, we ask to see one.  The only thing that will come from you sending something like that is either getting blocked or having a blog post written about you.  Or, in this case, both. ;)

Sincerely, 
Melanie

Saturday, March 4, 2017

First Impression Friday - The One With the Crier

  


  First Impression Friday is a bi-weekly (or whenever I feel like it)  blog series in which I tell comical stories about ridiculous first encounters I've had with members of the opposite sex.  This will alternate with Red Flag Friday whenever I see fit (or Saturday - like today.. whatever.)  How have I not blogged in a month?! Things have been so crazy with moving and just life.  But I promise I'll be better, Girl Scouts Honor.

  The story starts like this: A few months ago I was at a bar trying to have a leisurely evening out with one of my best friends.  We ended up in the middle of a sweaty dance party which is totally not my scene but... when in Rome (or The Whiskey Republic).  I decided to leave the dance mosh pit and make my way to the bar for an adult beverage.  As I was trying to push through, a guy tapped me on the shoulder and asked where I was attempting to navigate to. I told him the bar and he literally pulled a Moses and parted the Red Sea of people for me, making a path to the bar.  Not going to lie, it was super flattering and it made me feel like a princess.  I thought that was the end of him but boy was I wrong.
  Later on that evening, my friend abandoned me on the dance floor to go to the bar.  A few minutes after I was alone, Moses returned and introduced himself.  He began drunk rambling on and on about his life and his friends and how society is crazy.  You see, I have this problem where I am way too nice and I don't know how to walk away from people and don't know how to say no or be mean.  Anyway, he must have gone on and on for at least 20 minutes. (Please keep in mind that this was all in the center of the dance floor with people bumping into us and grinding on each other.)  He dragged on and on about how I will never meet anyone else like him and how much money he makes (gag).  At one point, he was telling me about his friends and how they're into hard drugs. As he was telling me about this, I noticed that his eyes began to get really glossy.  For a minute, I just assumed he was glazed over with drunkenness.  But the more I looked at him, the more I realized it wasn't that at all... The more I looked at him, I thought "Oh no.. He's not.. Tell me he's not going to..".  Yes, ladies and gents, the boy on the dance floor started crying, right there before my eyes.  As tears streamed down his face, I couldn't think of anything else to do besides awkwardly and stiffly pat his shoulder like "there, there".  It was most definitely the most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in.  The only thing more uncomfortable than watching a man cry is watching a man who is a stranger cry.
  After what felt like an eternity, my friend finally returned.  I gave her the ole nose-brush-get-me-out-of-here motion and she pulled me away, thank god.

Only me.