Friday, October 12, 2018

Wo(men)'s Sufferage: Being a woman in 2018

I have always made it a point in my life to refrain, whenever possible, from discussing politics or anything even on the brink of being political.  I learned at a very early age that 80% of this country is not capable of discussing differing views, especially those that are deemed political.  However, due to recent events in this country, I have decided to break that personal rule and discuss something very important, real, and relevant. Also, I won't lie, I was inspired by my idol, miss Taylor Swift and her recent political statements encouraging her fans to vote.  I realize that not everyone will agree with all that I'm about to say, but that's the beauty of the internet... you are (or should be) able to say what you think without being scrutinized for it.  Now, don't go running just yet... this won't be extremely political but it will teeter on the edge.  I also want to mention that I embrace all intelligent and civilized conversations regarding this topic.  So... here we go.

I'm just going to come out with it.  The world scares me.  This country scares me.  I'm not sure if everyone is getting increasingly more crazy, or if the crazy has always been there and it's just being brought to light due to platforms such as social media.  But man, guys.  What in the actual hell is going on right now?!  Our country is so divided, more than ever.  I've never been so on edge on social media or in public conversations as I am currently.  I can't even like or share a post without the fear of someone sounding off in the comments.  I could honestly go on and on about the current state of the government and country as a whole, but I won't.  I will, however, discuss a topic that I am very well versed in.  And that is, what it's like to be a woman in 2018.  

Ya know, sometimes I really feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.  I see so many people, both men and women, posting things on social media alluding to the fact that we should be concerned about the men in this country.  We should worry about our sons.  We should fear for their futures.   THIS. IS. TOTAL. HORSE. SHIT.  Listen.  I am all for equality.  I certainly believe that men have been and will continue to be wrongly accused of crimes, specifically sexual assault and abuse.  However, if you are a man and you did not commit the crime that you're being accused of, then what the actual fuck are you worried about?  Excuse my language, but this drives me absolutely bat shit insane.  ANYONE can falsely accuse ANYONE of ANY crime.  Man or woman.  But that's not the point.  The point is, if a woman is coming forward, I don't care if its 32 seconds later or 32 years later, if she is putting her life and future at risk to come forward and share her version of the truth, what on earth does she gain from making this shit up?  Nothing.  When did we get to a point in our country where someone comes forward and says that something awful happened to them, and we eagerly dismiss it and assume that it is being made up to tarnish someones reputation?  When did we get to the point of questioning why someone waited so long to speak about something obviously painful?  Since when do any of us have the right to judge another person and how they deal with something that happened to them?  At this point, I'm sure you all know what I am referring to.  And I want to make it clear - sure, she totally could have been lying.  But my point is, when did we reach such a level of insensitivity where we automatically assume that someone is being dishonest when they are clearly emotionally affected by something?

Sure, being a man is super scary right now.  I feel so bad for all of you men who every day have to wake up and worry about whether or not someone may come forward and accuse you of sexual assault.  How do you guys even deal?  It's like, you're not safe anywhere, ya know?  It's almost like... Ok, it's almost like if you're walking home late at night in the dark and you keep having to turn around in fear that someone may be following you.  Or like, when you live alone in an apartment and you triple check all of the locks on your windows before you go to bed at night.  Or also when you don't feel comfortable going for a run on a road that isn't heavily trafficked in fear that no one will be there to help you.  OOH!  Or like when before leaving the house for a walk, you send your location to your friend "just in case". Or maybe when you don't feel comfortable wearing shorts to the gym that might be "too short" because you "don't want to give anyone the wrong idea".    Yeah, I bet it feels something like that.  Just a hunch.

It's gotten to a point where this type of behavior has become so normalized.  Like, if I'm at a bar and some guy grabs my ass, it's almost like "Welp.  That's to be expected." But no, FUCK THAT.  That is unacceptable.  Also, when someone says someone is "asking for it" by how they are acting or dressing?  I don't care if I am walking down the center of Times Square totally naked, it does not give anyone the right to touch me without my consent.  I was listening to a podcast where someone was referencing the Kavanaugh case and said something along the lines of "Well, what was she doing in a house with boys drinking alcohol, anyway?!"  Listen... I can't tell you how many times I have been in a house with men and alcohol at the same time and I have not had anyone attempt to assault me nor would it excuse such behavior.  It comes down to conscious decision making.  Knowing right from wrong.  And I think this is something that we are seriously lacking.  All of us.  Men and Women alike.  Your actions follow around the victim of your crimes for the rest of their lives so why shouldn't the consequences follow you around for yours?

I could rant on and on. Honestly, being a woman right now is scary and I mean that.  Maybe even more scary than being a man?! ::gasp::  I know, it's a super hard concept to even wrap your mind around.  Coming from someone who lives on their own and often ventures out alone, I honestly always have my guard up. The amount of weirdos that have approached me and made me feel uncomfortable is endless. I have legit been called a "bitch" before for ignoring someone trying to chat me up.  I am in no way obligated to talk to you..  Understand that.

I was starting to feel like I may be alone in how I feel, so I asked a few women their feelings on what it is like to be a woman right now.  Here's what they had to say.

"It's a strange time to be a woman.  I feel more empowered than ever, yet still feel the need to carry my keys between my fingers while walking through a parking lot." - M, age 32

"It’s been hard for me because growing up I was surrounded by good, decent men. It kept me naive to the type of men that really do exist out there. I’ve been keeping a close eye on the #MeToo movement and Kavanaugh, etc. because I’m not only raising a girl who I want to grow strong and safe, but a boy who I need to raise right, to be one of those decent, good men. I hope and plan to raise them to know the ins and outs of consent, personal boundaries, self defense, stranger danger, keeping yourself in safe situations .... it seems the list is endless. It’s both exhausting and terrifying thinking of letting them go out in this world." - C, 31

"In 2018, as a woman, I am afraid my voice won't be taken seriously. I fear that we have become so accustomed to ass grabbing that we think it isn't a big deal. Us women need to band together and stand up for ourselves and know we can be heard and there is no such thing as "well, it was just an ass grab." It's battery and we need to call it as such. We need to stop normalizing this behavior." - M, 31

The thing that really gets me is that women are scrutinized for not coming forward sooner about an assault... But the very reason that we delay doing this is the fear that we won't be believed.  And look what happens when we finally muster up the courage to say something... we aren't believed.  I really hate to use this as a comparison, but I don't recall hearing anyone question any of the brave men that came forward to discuss the abuse they faced as altar boys from their priests. That was years after the fact, no?  I also want to make it very clear that I am not, by any means, diminishing the struggle of men or what they may go through.  My point here is that no matter your sex, orientation, race or WHATEVER, if you come forward with a traumatic experience, I would like to live in a country where it is not only taken seriously but also not accepted as normal.  For any of us.

OK. I really feel like I could go on and on but I'll stop here... for now.  I just had to get that out.  I guarantee many people will have a lot to say and maybe even drag me for this post but hey, that's showbiz baby.

- M

Friday, October 5, 2018

How to Deal With Your Crappy Landlord: and anyone else who makes you feel guilty for standing up for yourself

This post is going to be a little bit different than my typical relationship-esque ramblings.  Today we have a very special rant brought to you by my shitty landlord and boxed wine.

I won't go TOO much into detail, but basically I had an "encounter" with my lovely, kind, attentive  ::sips wine:: landlord today that left me feeling angry, upset and defeated.  Basically, I spoke up about something that should be getting done but wasn't.. and when I stood up for myself, I was torn down and was made to feel as though I was being unreasonable and unfair.  So much so that I actually started to believe it.  I felt so bad after that I started sobbing.  But after some self reflecting, I realized... wait JUST A MINUTE.  I was totally right in how I reacted and this is just being twisted around to make me feel bad when I'm not in the wrong here.  NOT TODAY SATAN!  It got me thinking... how many times in life do we stand up for ourselves, and are right in doing so, but in return end up feeling guilty?  I know personally for me, more times than I can count.  And it's not just landlords.. it's anyone who makes you feel badly for standing your ground or challenging something.  It's your bitchy boss or your toxic relative or your controlling boyfriend.

So, how do we deal with such people?  That's the exact question that I had to ask myself today after bawling my eyes out and dropping a whole lot of F bombs.  But, after talking to my Momma and my boyfriend, I gained a little bit of clarity and decided there are good and bad ways to deal with these kinds of people. 

Facts Not Sass.
This is a tough one for me.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have quite the sassy side to me. Shocking, I know. Anytime I am challenged or crossed, I have a sassy side that automatically comes out.  I call her Lola. But something I've been learning, from my current boss actually, is that you're much better off presenting someone with the cold hard facts rather than being sassy to them.  So instead of sassing the person and rolling your eyes and telling them what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad landlord they are, present them with the facts of why what you're saying is correct.  If you're going to lay down information to someone, make sure you have the facts to back it up.  People can't argue with facts.  Plus, you'll sound super smart.

Stand Your Ground.
If you go into a conversation hoping for a specific outcome, don't settle for anything less.  Don't let the words of another person make you back down from whatever it is you're trying to accomplish.  Don't forget what it is that you set out to do.  Don't let anyone make you feel bad for being firm and confident in what you want.  Don't back down just because someone tries to tell you that you're being "petty" for wanting heat in your apartment... but I digress.

This goes hand in hand with standing your ground.  Don't stop until you get what you want.  Keep at it.  Keep pushing it.  If you want that new job, keep calling to check in on the position.  If you really want to end that toxic relationship, keep voicing your concerns until you get the results that you want.  Don't be afraid to be tenacious.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

This one is pretty self explanatory.  You aren't going to get anywhere if you aren't confident in what you're saying.  Even if you aren't, pretend that you are.  Fake it until you make it.

Be Kind.
Above all, remember to be kind.  Sometimes we can get so caught up in fighting for what we want, that we forget to just be nice.  After all, we're all human.  Even if someone is being awful to you, if you remain considerate, not much negative can really be said about you.  There are always ways to get what you want while still being courteous.

Good luck out there.  It's a dog eat dog world.

P.S. I know I've mentioned this book before, but it's an excellent read if you need a little confidence boost.



Friday, September 28, 2018

10 Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship

As you all know, I have had my fair share of shitty relationships.  But the thing about shitty relationships is that when you're in it, when it's you in the moment and in the relationship, it can be so so SO hard to see it the way that others with an outside perspective do.  Anyone can tell you that your significant other is treating you badly, but you won't see it until you are ready.   Love is blind... or some cliche shit like that.  Basically, there are a ton of signs that you may be in a toxic relationship, but I've somehow rounded it down to 10.  So HERE ::CLAP:: WE ::CLAP:: GO ::CLAP::

1. You keep things he/she does and says a secret

If your boyfriend or girlfriend does or says some things that hurt you but you refrain from telling anyone about it because you don't want your friends and family to judge them, that's baddddddd news bears.  Listen, I totally get wanting the most important people in your life to like the person you're dating, but if they're doing some shady shit that you keep to yourself because you know you're going to stay with them and you don't want their reputation to be tarnished, that's a huge sign right there.

2. He/she is jealous

I know it all too well... you can't even go out for drinks with the girls without your man blowing up your phone every two seconds asking what you're doing or who you're with.  It gets to a point where you refrain from even going out without them just to avoid the drama.  This is no bueno.  You should be able to go out and be 100% trusted.

3. You feel the need to snoop

The second he falls asleep or goes outside to mow the lawn and leaves his phone inside on the couch next to you, you pick it up and start your marathon of snooping. Tale as old as timeeeee.  Girlfriend, LISTEN TO ME and LISTEN TO ME GOOD.  The second you pick up that phone and start laying your little peepers on his texts, Facebook messages, browsing history, call log (you name it, we've snooped it), you have a one way ticket down a rabbit hole that you may never find your way back out of.  TRUST ME because I've totally been that girl.  The fact that you even feel the need or feel tempted to look says A LOT about your relationship.  When you're with the right person, the thought won't even cross your mind.  TRUST baby girl. T-R-U-S-T.  Plus, how do you think this will end? Either you're actually going to find something and totally break your own heart, or you're going to find absolutely nothing and then do it all again tomorrow. It's a vicious cycle of craziness.

4. Your significant other embarrasses you

If you're out with your friends and your man is making ridiculous borderline racist jokes or getting so drunk that he starts spitting on the floor of the casino and you would legit rather stick tooth-picks into your own eyeballs than still be in that mortified moment, it's safe to say your relationship might not be the best situation.

5. You're not equal partners

If you're constantly taking care of your significant other like that damn crying baby doll you took home for the week in high school child care class (what up Mrs. Sandstrom), you deserve so much better.  Or if you are in a respectable career and they are delivering pizzas in their '98 blacked out Corolla with no desire to move beyond that, it's gonna get real old real quick.  You need someone you can lean on and relate to, not someone that relies on you 100% to fulfill all of their basic human needs.  You need someone on your level.

6. Your goals are not the same

If you bring up the future and how you want a big wedding and 17 children with a house in the suburbs that has a picket white fence, and they dismiss it and mention that they aren't sure if they ever even want to get married, it's time to start packing it up.  You absolutely need to want the same things out of life as your partner otherwise it is never going to work without one of you being unhappy or giving up things that you really want.

7. You blame yourself for their shitty actions

He cheated on you but it's "not just his fault" and "we're both to blame" because you "have just been so busy with work lately".  Let me stop you right there.  A person is fully responsible for their own actions.  Maybe other things you did contributed to it, but they are in charge of how they react to situations and no matter what the case may be, what they do or say is NOT your fault.  So stop making excuses for them and putting it all on yourself.

8. You don't feel like a priority

I know the feeling.  You constantly feel as though other people and things are being put above you.  If you feel like everything else in their life is more important than you are, this is a huge sign.  You should always feel like a priority and one of the, if not THE most important person in his or her life.  Don't settle for anything less than that.

9.  Your friend and family are not huge fans

Unfortunately, the truth of how the people in your life REALLY feel about your significant other often does not come out until the relationship is already over.  And you have all these people saying "I never liked him" or "I never thought he was right for you anyway".  Oh, THANKS AUNT CAROL, where the hell was this opinion 9 months ago when I was making a Pinterest board of our future wedding?!  If you DO by some grace of God have that one golden outspoken friend or family member who will always very bluntly tell you what they think of your relationship even without you asking, listen to them. And thank them.  Even though it's not what you want to hear.  You don't even have to agree with them.  Just listen.

10. You're holding on to "the good times" 

But it can't be over.  Things were so good 4 months ago.  Listen, I totally get it.  But unfortunately, that was 4 months ago.  And this is now.  And if he's being a tool now, then he's a tool now.  And chances are the relationship isn't going to revert back to how it was.  It's always sweet in the beginning, but unfortunately sometimes it just turns sour and you can't cling on to the person you want them to be or thought they were.  Sometimes you hang on to the idea of them you have in your head rather than the actual person who is standing in front of you.

Bottom line is that you're all bad ass bitches.  I mean you must be if you're here reading this awesome blog, right? No but seriously, life is way too short to even spend one second being unhappy or stuck in the wrong situation.  You deserve to be stupid happy and to never even have to question if you're in the right relationship.  Because you'll just know.  Pinky promise.


Friday, September 21, 2018

Red Flag Friday Chapter 6: The one with the model ex-girlfriend


Red Flag Friday is a series in which I tell ridiculous relationship stories I've gathered from my own life and the lives of my friends and family.  On select Friday's I will share a crazy story that should have, at the time, been a red flag.  For the sake of saving many people a great deal of embarrassment, the stars of these stories will be kept anonymous.

Welcome back to another crazy tale of my past dating experiences.  Today I have a special little diddy for you all.  This one features a gent that I have mentioned in a few previous posts.  Remember the gem that ran away from my family parties?  Oh and the one who left me stranded in the woods at a party when the cops showed up?  Yep, you guessed it, he's back again.  Man, I really hate myself for all of the awful shit he did that I let slide but HEY at least he gave me some good blog material 9 years later.  Thanks, J!  You da real MVP!

Alright, let me set the scene for you.  Let me take you back to 2008.  I was a sophomore in college and living the damn life.  I had a cute dorm with my best friends and we were getting weird every night.  I start talking to this guy on MySpace... guys... whatever... it was 2008.  What do you want from me?!  Anyway, he starts messaging me and I was all like, he's cute and punk rock looking so SIGN ME UP.  So we start texting back and forth.  Kid ends up telling me he loves me before we even hung out which should have been my FIRST hint he had a screw loose but WHATEVER I was insecure and into it.  

After we had hung out a few times, he decides he's going to come up to my college for a night with two of his friends.  We had a fun night out of consuming adult beverages.  The night ends, everyone goes to sleep and the next morning we are all hanging out chatting on our laptops.  Out of NO WHERE this kid takes my laptop and says TO EVERYONE in the room, including my friends, "Hey you guys wanna see my ex-girlfriend?" ... Um I'm sorry what?! I wish I could go back in time and have an out of body experience and look at the expression on my face in this moment.  Somehow I kept my cool and someone must have awkwardly said OK because he proceeded to bring up her MySpace page (again with the MySpace.. Oh what a time to be alive).  He brings this chicks page up and goes on and on about how she works at Abercrombie & Fitch and she was approached and asked to model for them.  He literally kept saying things like "She's just so pretty" and "She's drop dead gorgeous" all while I am sitting RIGHT THERE.  Like was he mentally impaired?  By the way, the answer is yes, yes he was.  But seriously!  What an idiot!  It was so uncomfortable and went on for what felt like hours while he clicked through every single one of her photos on her profile.  Also, not to mention that's some borderline stalker shit right there.  Like, you do that shit in private not in front of a bunch of people, one of whom you are trying to date. COME ON MAN.  Use your brain.  Anyway, it resulted in me feeling even more insecure and spending our entire future relationship feeling as though I need to live up to this "model girlfriend" pun intended.

I honestly don't know what I was thinking... once again, it SHOULD HAVE BEEN A RED FLAG.


Thursday, August 30, 2018

Stay single until you find a guy who does this

I've been around a lot of people lately who are either single or in toxic relationships.  As you probably know from my previous blog posts, I have been in my fair share of awful relationships as well as had my dose of living the single life. A few of my friends have asked me why I shot so many guys down but finally decided to be with my boyfriend now.  I got to thinking, what is it about my current relationship that sets it apart from the others?  What is it about this individual that finally allowed me to trust someone again and want to commit to a relationship?  I don't want to sound like a hussy, but there were several men before this one whom I tried to feel those feelings for but I just... couldn't.  Or didn't want to be bothered with any of it.  Or didn't care enough to put forth any effort.  So why him?  Why this one?  Why now?  Well, since you asked so nicely, I'LL TELL YA.

Ladies (and gentleman) keep your sexy self single until you find a guy who does the following things:

Makes you laugh.
Ok, I'm not talking like "haha Jeff that was a good one."  I'm talking, hysterically laughing from your belly until you have tears in your eyes.  Like when he says something so bizarre that you can't help but look at him in disbelief and laugh like a little kid.  If he can make you do this, keep him.  

Calls when he says he will.
It's pretty simple guys... if he tells you he's going to call you when he leaves work and he actually does it, every single time, without fail - don't let him get away.

Does he dance with you all cute at concerts, hold your hand across the restaurant table, put his arm around you in front of his friends?  He's a keeper.

Family is everything.
Find you a man who not only willingly goes to family functions with you, but actually enjoys them.  Someone who chats up your father rather than sitting in the corner alone on his phone.  Get you someone who your family tells you over and over how much they like him. Your family is the most important and accurate judge of character for your significant other. 

Stands up for you.
To me, this is one of the most important things. If one of his friends or family members ever says or even hints at saying a negative thing about you, he better back you up and stand up for you.  Otherwise, kick him to the curb. Boy, bye. 

Acts silly with you.
If he can blast early 2000s pop punk with you and scream all of the words, marry his ass.  SUGAR WE'RE GOIN DOWN SWINGINNNN

Shares some of your hobbies.
He needs to share some of your hobbies or at least be willing to partake in some of them with you to make you happy.  If he is willing to not only accompany you to that Taylor Swift concert but also dress up in that lyric related outfit you strategically planned out for him, keep him forever.

Listen, you need someone who is going to be there for you.  If you're having a really awful night and you ask him to come over and he legit only lives 10 minutes away and isn't willing to come over, kick his ass to the curb.  Because soon enough you'll find someone who is willing to drive over an hour to see you when you're sad at midnight, trust me.

Only you.
He needs to make you confident that you are the only woman in his life.  When you find the right one, you will know without a doubt that there is no one else.  You won't feel the need to look in his phone, or question why he worked late.  You'll just know.

Eases your anxieties.
When you tell him your crazy, irrational thought and he not only holds in his laughter but also talks you down off the ledge and helps you come back down to earth, he's a gem.

Relationships aren't always rainbows and butterflies (it's compromise that moves us alongggggg - whatup Maroon 5) - but if he can be honest with you about something that maybe isn't the easiest thing to tell you and might not make you the happiest clam, he's one in a million.

Brings out the best in you.
When you find the right one, you will literally count down the hours until you get to see them again because you feel like the best version of yourself when you're with them.  If you're miserable or constantly on edge whenever you're with them, get rid of 'em girl.

He stays.
When you meet the right person, it will be easy.  None of that wondering if he likes you, chasing him around bullshit. He wouldn't even dream of walking away when things get a little hard.  If you've put him through the ringer and he's still around, you better count your blessings and hang on tight to that one girlfriend.

The bottom line is this, when you meet the right one, all of the shit you went through will finally make sense.  It was all to bring you to this moment, so you could fully appreciate this person.  There will be no second guessing, no toxicity, no anxieties, only love and certainty.  Remember your worth, and please don't settle for anything less than what you know you deserve.  We only get one life, and it is so short.  Be with someone who makes you want to be better every day.  He's out there, I promise.



Thursday, August 2, 2018

The Truth About Anxiety

   Happy Thirsty Thursday ya'll!  I can't believe I just said "ya'll".... ::sips wine:: Welcome back to this lovely, weird, roller-coaster of a blog.  This post is going to be a little bit different than the others but it is a topic I feel very strongly about.  As you can probably tell from the title, I'm very ANXIOUS to get into it.. heh heh heh ::sips wine again::
    I've seen a lot of posts and opinions recently regarding anxiety.  Some opinions suggest that anxiety isn't "real" and that it is just "all in your head".  Well, I'm here to clear the air.  Plain and simple, anxiety is REAL.  Louder now, for the people in the back - ANXIETY IS REAL.   Anxiety is a REAL disease with REAL symptoms and in some cases, requires REAL medication.  Whether it is Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social  Anxiety, Panic Disorder or any other type of anxiety - it is very, very real.  To be honest, just writing about this topic and being so open about my own struggle is making me anxious but HERE WE GO.
    First let me say that I understand that if you have never experienced anxiety for yourself, it is very easy to dismiss it all together and chalk it up as someone "overreacting" or "just being stressed".  Until you have gone through it yourself, it's difficult to fully understand the extent of the disease and the affect it can have on your day to day life.
    I'm sure that everyone has their own personal reasons why they think their anxiety started or what increases it - but for me, that would literally be a 342 page long blog post so I'll save that for another time.  For now, I just want to run through some points that I think everyone, especially those who do not fully understand anxiety, should understand.

Don't tell someone with anxiety to "calm down"
  THIS.  I can't even begin to explain the negative affect that this simple phrase has on someone with anxiety.  If I'm freaking out and panicking about something and you tell me to "calm down", all it's going to do is make me panic even more.  What exactly do you think saying "calm down" is going to accomplish, anyway?!  "Ok Susan, you want me to calm down?  Oh shit, you're right.  I didn't even think of that! I feel fine now.  Thanks for the advice :) " .........

There are physical symptoms
   There are different symptoms for everyone, but personally, when I am experiencing anxiety, some of the symptoms that occur are : dizziness/lightheadedness, nausea, lump in throat, acid reflux, rapid heart rate, on edge, stomach ache, shaking, headache - you name it, I've felt it.  Before I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ever since I was in the 3rd grade, I often thought I was just sick or there was something really wrong with me.  Nope!  Just my bff anxiety!

We need reassurance more than most
    Whether it is a romantic or friendly relationship you may have with someone who has anxiety, you need to remember to have patience.  If your girlfriend comes totally out of left field and asks you if the reason you didn't answer her text last night was because you don't love her anymore, you need to stop and think that maybe this is just her anxiety talking and you need to reassure her that whatever she's thinking is far from the truth.  Some of our thoughts or theories may be totally insane sounding to you, but to us it is a very real possibility.  We often take things you say to heart or assume you hate us - this isn't because we are "too sensitive", It's because our mind is literally telling us and convincing us that that's the truth.  Just tell us you love us and that we're awesome, OK?!  It's not hard.

Anxiety can come out of no where
    There is not always a reasonable explanation for why someone is feeling anxious.  Sometimes, the feeling of anxiety can wash over and consume you for absolutely no reason at all.  One minute you're sitting at work reading a harmless e-mail and the next minute you're sweating and your heart is beating out of your butt.  Fun. Times.

The more we focus on our anxiety, the worse it gets
    If you know someone is anxious, the worst thing you can do is draw attention to their anxiety and talk to them about it.  The more we think about the fact we are anxious, the more anxious we become.  Then we are just having anxiety about having anxiety and it's a huge vicious cycle and WHEW I am anxious just talking about it.

We obsess
    We will most likely remember every single word you've ever said to us, and obsess about it forever.  We will also bring up the same thing 984 times and talk about it until we are blue in the face because our brain does not shut off and we are constantly dissecting and worrying about every detail of everything ever.

Don't blame your stupidity on our anxiety
    I have seen this a few times both personally and with friends of mine.  Sometimes, when you're dating someone or friends with someone who is well aware of your anxiety, they use it to their advantage.  By that, I mean that they use your anxiety as an excuse for the shitty things that they do.  For example, a friend of mine felt like her boyfriend was being sketchy.  When she confronted him, he blamed it all on her anxiety and suggested she "talk to someone".  Plot twist, he was, in fact, just being sketchy AF.  In my own personal experience, I had a boyfriend who was acting funny and I suspected he was talking to another girl.  He denied it and denied it until I was forced to blame my anxiety for such a thought.  And he let me.  When all along, it was just my intuition and all of my "crazy" thoughts were, in fact, true.  Blaming our anxiety for things you know are REAL is just plain mean. Don't use our disease as excuse for your shittiness, k thanks bye.

Sometimes medication IS necessary 
    This.  So many people say "just find other ways to deal with it" "remedy your anxiety naturally" "meditate"  Well, news flash America - This doesn't work for everyone.  I wish it did, but it doesn't.  If these things work for you then I honestly am so jealous.  But for me, some good, strong Xanax and Celexa do the trick.  JUDGE ME.


Melanie, out.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Red Flag Friday Chapter 5 - A Thorn in My Side

Yoooooooooo It's been a longgggggggggggggggggggggg time.  What can I say?  Life has kept me busy and in the best ways possible.  But the truth is I have missed writing in this blog and I've had so many ideas that I have finally found the time to sit down and actually do it.  So, here I am, Cabernet Sauvignon and Halo Top by my side, ready to take you on another pathetic, cringe-worthy journey involving another huge D-bag and a GIANT red flag that I neglected to take note of (again).

FIRST OF ALL.  I want to take this opportunity to say YOU'RE WELCOME for the above visual of myself in 2008.  It helps set the scene, trust me.  

Let me take you way on back to the Summer of 2008.  I was at the naive age of 18 and I had a bad habit of letting everyone walk all over me... a habit which I still haven't completely kicked but that's neither here nor there and I'm WORKING ON IT. OK?!  So anyway, let me paint a picture for you.  Back when I was 18, I thought I was a super cool punk rock chick (still do).  I had my lip pierced, I wore PacSun everything, I was obsessed with Fall Out Boy and All Time Low and I just thought I was the baddest bitch on the block.  So naturally, I had to have a boyfriend who was just as "badass".  Because nothing says badass like poorly drawn tattoos and a lip piercing he did himself  to "be more like me" (gag).  Back when I had this boyfriend, let's just call him Moe, I was very insecure and I let people, especially boys, treat me like crap and I would still move mountains for them in return.  There were a bajillion awful things that Moe did to me, but this one in particular really sticks out.

 That summer, Moe invited me to go to a party in the woods in his town.  Of course I accepted, especially because at this point in time Moe refused to call me his girlfriend and I was desperate to do anything that may help that along.  As the time of the party grew closer, I remember thinking that Moe was acting weird.  He was slow to answer texts, wouldn't really give me a straight answer on the plans, and looking back on it was totally giving me every hint that he didn't want me to go anymore but I was so blinded by love that I didn't see it then.  Finally, he told me to meet him at the opening of the trail that said party was at.  He couldn't even have me meet him at his house and take me with him... Instead, he had me GPS (Didn't have cellphones with GPS at this point kids, I had my old school Garmin plugged into my cigarette lighter) some weird ass parking lot in a town I wasn't even familiar with, and park my car there (SO. MANY. RED. FLAGS. I KNOW.).  So. I meet Moe at this random spot, leave my beloved Ronda the Honda there, and we begin walking through the woods with a group of his friends.  This was like a solid mile or two into the woods just to arrive at this party spot.  As we are walking to our destination, Moe wasn't even walking with me! He was up ahead and I was forced to make awkward conversation with some of his friends I had never even met before.  I should have ran right then and there.  

Once we arrive at this "party" I won't lie, it was pretty fun.  I had my best friend Captain Morgan with me so I guess anything at that point would have seemed like a good time.  However, I do remember that Moe was barely with me throughout the night and I just made my rounds getting to know strangers and pretending I wasn't extremely uncomfortable. You know one of those public situations where you feel so awkward that you just keep taking sips and before you know it you're drunk? Yep. Hi. Me that night.  So next thing I know, this party is interrupted by police flashlights and a cop yelling "Don't run! Don't run!"  So what does everyone do? Run.  Now here I am, clearly not of drinking age, clearly not sober (sorry, Mom!), in the middle of the woods at a party.  What do you think I did....? YA. I RAN LIKE FORREST FRICKEN GUMP STRAIGHT OUTTA THE LEG BRACES. However.  Little Mr. Moe ran too.  With 0 regard to me and my whereabouts, he just bolted.  Didn't grab my hand, didn't make sure I was following, nothing.  Just left me.  So I was totally by myself, running through the woods in the pitch black, not even on any kind of path, just in the thick of the woods.. tripping over logs, running into prickly bushes and, in case you forgot, drunk.  So I'm walking and walking for what felt like hours, calling this mofo over and over and over. No answer. FINALLY he calls me and the first thing he says is "I thought you were behind me".  Ok first of all, ass hat, all you had to do was LOOK behind you to see that I was not, in fact, there.  SECOND of all, when you realized I was not behind you, why didn't you effing look for me or call my name or CALL MY LIMITED EDITION PINK MIAMI INK RAZR FLIP PHONE?! DOUCHEEEEEEEEE. Ahem, anyway.  So during my journey to find Moe, I come across this other kid who was at the party so HE, basically a total stranger, takes it upon HIMSELF to make sure I'm OK and refuses to let me keep walking alone.  I remember thinking, wow he is so nice!  But really, that's just what any decent human being would and should do.  So, we finally find where Moe and his loser friends are, I am legit covered in scrapes and scratches and literally dripping blood from cuts and the nice boy who walked with me says to Moe "your girl is pretty beat up!"  And Moe responds with, "Yeah I have cuts all over me too, look!" and proceeded to reveal all of his (non-existent) injuries..................................................................................................................................................
So, just in case you need further clarification, instead of asking if I'm ok, or trying to help me, or OH I DON'T KNOW, apologizing to me?!  Moe just has to one-up my condition and play it off like it's nothing.  WHAT A DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Any who, I ended up going home that night and getting to bed at like 3 am, waking up at 7am to go to Warped Tour with my friend (punk rock kid, told ya) and spending the day in mosh pits while sweaty strangers rub all up on my open wounds - all while running on barely any sleep. GOOD. TIMES.  

Oh. I bet you're all wondering "What happened after that?! Did you stay with him?!" LOL GUYS OF COURSE I DID. I WAS A DUMB ASS. Well, I should say, he continued to string me along all summer all while having another girl at the same time yet denying it, then randomly being "in a relationship" on Facebook.  Oh but don't worry, my stupidity doesn't end there.  I ended up legit dating him for reals like the following year.  Remember the story about the drunk kid leaving my family parties? LOL. Bingo. 

Thank God I Raised My Standards