Friday, July 13, 2018

Red Flag Friday - A Thorn in My Side

Yoooooooooo It's been a longgggggggggggggggggggggg time.  What can I say?  Life has kept me busy and in the best ways possible.  But the truth is I have missed writing in this blog and I've had so many ideas that I have finally found the time to sit down and actually do it.  So, here I am, Cabernet Sauvignon and Halo Top by my side, ready to take you on another pathetic, cringe-worthy journey involving another huge D-bag and a GIANT red flag that I neglected to take note of (again).

FIRST OF ALL.  I want to take this opportunity to say YOU'RE WELCOME for the above visual of myself in 2008.  It helps set the scene, trust me.  

Let me take you way on back to the Summer of 2008.  I was at the naive age of 18 and I had a bad habit of letting everyone walk all over me... a habit which I still haven't completely kicked but that's neither here nor there and I'm WORKING ON IT. OK?!  So anyway, let me paint a picture for you.  Back when I was 18, I thought I was a super cool punk rock chick (still do).  I had my lip pierced, I wore PacSun everything, I was obsessed with Fall Out Boy and All Time Low and I just thought I was the baddest bitch on the block.  So naturally, I had to have a boyfriend who was just as "badass".  Because nothing says badass like poorly drawn tattoos and a lip piercing he did himself  to "be more like me" (gag).  Back when I had this boyfriend, let's just call him Moe, I was very insecure and I let people, especially boys, treat me like crap and I would still move mountains for them in return.  There were a bajillion awful things that Moe did to me, but this one in particular really sticks out.

 That summer, Moe invited me to go to a party in the woods in his town.  Of course I accepted, especially because at this point in time Moe refused to call me his girlfriend and I was desperate to do anything that may help that along.  As the time of the party grew closer, I remember thinking that Moe was acting weird.  He was slow to answer texts, wouldn't really give me a straight answer on the plans, and looking back on it was totally giving me every hint that he didn't want me to go anymore but I was so blinded by love that I didn't see it then.  Finally, he told me to meet him at the opening of the trail that said party was at.  He couldn't even have me meet him at his house and take me with him... Instead, he had me GPS (Didn't have cellphones with GPS at this point kids, I had my old school Garmin plugged into my cigarette lighter) some weird ass parking lot in a town I wasn't even familiar with, and park my car there (SO. MANY. RED. FLAGS. I KNOW.).  So. I meet Moe at this random spot, leave my beloved Ronda the Honda there, and we begin walking through the woods with a group of his friends.  This was like a solid mile or two into the woods just to arrive at this party spot.  As we are walking to our destination, Moe wasn't even walking with me! He was up ahead and I was forced to make awkward conversation with some of his friends I had never even met before.  I should have ran right then and there.  

Once we arrive at this "party" I won't lie, it was pretty fun.  I had my best friend Captain Morgan with me so I guess anything at that point would have seemed like a good time.  However, I do remember that Moe was barely with me throughout the night and I just made my rounds getting to know strangers and pretending I wasn't extremely uncomfortable. You know one of those public situations where you feel so awkward that you just keep taking sips and before you know it you're drunk? Yep. Hi. Me that night.  So next thing I know, this party is interrupted by police flashlights and a cop yelling "Don't run! Don't run!"  So what does everyone do? Run.  Now here I am, clearly not of drinking age, clearly not sober (sorry, Mom!), in the middle of the woods at a party.  What do you think I did....? YA. I RAN LIKE FORREST FRICKEN GUMP STRAIGHT OUTTA THE LEG BRACES. However.  Little Mr. Moe ran too.  With 0 regard to me and my whereabouts, he just bolted.  Didn't grab my hand, didn't make sure I was following, nothing.  Just left me.  So I was totally by myself, running through the woods in the pitch black, not even on any kind of path, just in the thick of the woods.. tripping over logs, running into prickly bushes and, in case you forgot, drunk.  So I'm walking and walking for what felt like hours, calling this mofo over and over and over. No answer. FINALLY he calls me and the first thing he says is "I thought you were behind me".  Ok first of all, ass hat, all you had to do was LOOK behind you to see that I was not, in fact, there.  SECOND of all, when you realized I was not behind you, why didn't you effing look for me or call my name or CALL MY LIMITED EDITION PINK MIAMI INK RAZR FLIP PHONE?! DOUCHEEEEEEEEE. Ahem, anyway.  So during my journey to find Moe, I come across this other kid who was at the party so HE, basically a total stranger, takes it upon HIMSELF to make sure I'm OK and refuses to let me keep walking alone.  I remember thinking, wow he is so nice!  But really, that's just what any decent human being would and should do.  So, we finally find where Moe and his loser friends are, I am legit covered in scrapes and scratches and literally dripping blood from cuts and the nice boy who walked with me says to Moe "your girl is pretty beat up!"  And Moe responds with, "Yeah I have cuts all over me too, look!" and proceeded to reveal all of his (non-existent) injuries..................................................................................................................................................
So, just in case you need further clarification, instead of asking if I'm ok, or trying to help me, or OH I DON'T KNOW, apologizing to me?!  Moe just has to one-up my condition and play it off like it's nothing.  WHAT A DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Any who, I ended up going home that night and getting to bed at like 3 am, waking up at 7am to go to Warped Tour with my friend (punk rock kid, told ya) and spending the day in mosh pits while sweaty strangers rub all up on my open wounds - all while running on barely any sleep. GOOD. TIMES.  

Oh. I bet you're all wondering "What happened after that?! Did you stay with him?!" LOL GUYS OF COURSE I DID. I WAS A DUMB ASS. Well, I should say, he continued to string me along all summer all while having another girl at the same time yet denying it, then randomly being "in a relationship" on Facebook.  Oh but don't worry, my stupidity doesn't end there.  I ended up legit dating him for reals like the following year.  Remember the story about the drunk kid leaving my family parties? LOL. Bingo. 

Thank God I Raised My Standards

Monday, January 8, 2018

Disposable Dating

    Recently I have been giving a lot of thought to the concept of dating and why single people of all ages seem to have such a hard time finding the right one.  Back in the day, it seemed pretty simple.  If you met someone who was nice enough, attractive enough and you liked enough, you would date, fall in love and get married.  Signed, sealed, delivered.  Now I know it wasn't always that simple, but it was definitely less complex than that of today's dating world.
   Why is it that now, it is so easy for people to go on multiple dates with multiple people and not  want to settle down with any of them?  Why now is it the "norm" to go on dozens of dates until you find someone worthy of exclusively dating?  Is it that maybe we do not fully invest ourselves into a relationship with someone because due to apps like Tinder and Bumble we constantly feel like there is something better out there for us that is so easily accessible?  Apps like these give us the illusion of infinite options.  Before apps and sites like this existed, people jumped at the chance to settle down with the first suitable partner that came their way.  Now we hold out for some "perfect" partner that most likely doesn't even exist.  We have an addiction to swiping and searching to find the next best thing.  Is it possible that these new age dating options have made dating disposable and caused us to not put our entire effort into just one person? Is it possible that as a result of these dating platforms we have become desensitized to the dating process as a whole?  But once we are in this mindset, is it possible to revert back to a different way of thinking? 
    Online dating greatly increases our chances of scoring a date which, I believe, causes us to treat each other more disposably.  Think about it.  Say you go on a date with someone and you have a great time.  The date ends, you part ways and you are feeling really good about the evening that just took place.  In the following days you text here and there but it is taking some effort on your part to keep conversation going and to make any future plans.  Sadly enough, a lot of people would opt to swipe on and find something "easier" than put in the extra effort it may take to further explore what they already have. 
    Speaking from personal experience, I have definitely "disposed" of a person more easily than I might have if I didn't have other dating options so readily available at my fingertips.  I have also absolutely felt more disposable to others for this same reason.  In a day and age where dating is taken so casually and for granted, is it possible for someone to treat us like the rare gems we are and fight for us when they could easily find someone who doesn't make it so difficult? Is it possible to find the right one or even recognize when you have?  Here's to hoping.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

13 Reasons Why Online Dating Is The Worst

  Hello nerds.  This post is going to be an extra special one.  Upon the dabbling of myself and friends in the online dating world, I have acquired a very special collection of screenshots that depict exactly why online dating can be the absolute worst and just how weird people can be.  Some of these will have an explanation while others I feel do not require words.  So, without further adieu, here are 13 Reasons Why Online Dating is The Worst.

1.  The Crazy, Psychotic, Delusional one
I had been texting this gem for a week or two, keep in mind we NEVER met in person or went out. After some super weird conversations, I explained to him, politely, that I didn't think we would mesh well and the result was awful texts and when I didn't respond to those, he some how tracked me down on Facebook and sent me awful messages there and when I didn't answer THOSE, I received awful Instagram comments calling me a "whore".  Can you say "KEEPER"?!

2.  The One Who Bathes Regularly
At least he can "cook bomb food

3. The One Who Eats
No, Jake.  I don't like to eat.

4. The One Who Likes Feet
Nope and I don't plan to.

5. The One With the Laptop
That's pretty hot.

6. The One With the Bum
This little peach randomly sent my friend a picture of his bare ass.  Why?  WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?

7. The One With the Overdue Book
Never heard that one before... ::eye roll::

8. The One With the Fetish
No, but something tells me you are.

9.  The One Stuck in 3rd Grade
Alright, alright, FINE.  This one gets points for creativity and cuteness.

10.  The One With the Thrilling Tomato Facts
I can sleep easy tonight now that I know when Tomatoes arrived in Europe.

11. The One With the Warm Soup
I do love warm soup.

12. The One Who Thinks Pascoag is Quaint
The only thing more charming than Pascoag is someone who buys weed from Pascoag. 

13. The One Who Got Noods
In what world would this actually work on anyone?!

Welp.  That pretty much sums it up kids. There some weirddddddddddd people out there.  If you've never had to use online dating, consider yourself lucky! 


Tuesday, November 28, 2017

The difference a year can make...


     I can't believe it has been an entire year since I first released this blog into the interwebs.  If you do so recall, at that time in my life I was living with my parents, sleeping on a futon in my childhood bedroom and living out of boxes.  I was licking my wounds, piecing my heart back together and trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want out of a relationship or more importantly, life in general.  I was in the process of rediscovering exactly who I am.
  Well, here we are a year later, and I still have no idea what it is that I'm looking for.  However, I think I am getting closer and closer to that knowledge every day.  I've had many conversations with others about dating and relationships and I always get asked the same few questions - "Why don't you just date so and so?", "Why are you so picky?", "Why don't you just give him a chance?".  And in being asked these questions, it occurred to me.  It is so common for people to, for lack of a better word, "settle" for a significant other who is great on paper.  Who "makes sense".  Who shows them the slightest bit of affection and makes them feel good about themselves.  A relationship that is comfortable.  Well, call me crazy, but if there is anything I have learned in this past year, especially after observing others and their relationship tendencies, it is that I do not want to fall into something that is just mediocre.  
  I have spent my entire life dating men who I like.  The first guy who came my way who I was attracted to and I seemed to get along with, I would date. No questions asked. Just seemed like the thing to do.  But I realized that I wanted more than "he's a great guy".  I desired more than "we get along really well".  I needed more than "he treats me well".  I want "he's the greatest person I've ever known".  I desire "I can't stop thinking about him".  I need "I get the butterflies whenever he looks at me". 

"It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff"  

- It Takes Two

 However, I am learning that these feelings do not always come initially. I am learning that "love-at-first-sight" is rarely the case. I am learning to give people more of a chance before quickly shutting them out like I have been known to do.  However, I still plan on holding out for that kind of love that makes me feel like I am living in a Taylor Swift song (the love songs, not the ones about the break-ups.  Think "New Year's Day" status).

    One year ago, I posted my blog on Facebook, hands shaking, thinking I would either be supported, be mocked or be ignored all together.  There is something very vulnerable and raw about putting your feelings, especially those that involve a breakup (or any life altering event), into words for everyone to see.  The amount of love and support I received from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers has been worth it alone.  I never imagined that my words would have such an impact on others and be so relatable to so many people. All of the positivity certainly overshadowed the select few who viewed it negatively or took it personally.
    The big difference between myself a year ago and myself now?  I know exactly who I am. I have never been more confident in myself.  And that fact alone is something to celebrate.


Monday, September 25, 2017

An Open Letter to My Ex-boyfriend - Chapter 1

  I've been thinking a lot lately about my past relationships and how each one has taught me different lessons.  Each boyfriend in every different stage of my life has helped shape me into the woman I am now.  I truly believe that each one of them played a part in not only the person I am, but in helping me realize what I want and deserve.  I've decided to address each one (anonymously) in an open letter.  Each "chapter" will be dedicated to a different relationship - whether long term or short - that I feel has impacted my life.  I respect each and every one, which is why I have given each of these men an alias for the purpose of this blog.

Dear Voldemort,

     It's been awhile.  Just about 8 or 9 years, I believe. I have honestly thought multiple times about what I would say if I ever spoke to you again, but now that I'm staring at this blank screen, I've never felt so speechless.
     We met on MySpace (yes kids - back in the day, MySpace was actually cool).  At that time in my life, I was extremely insecure.  I had a very low opinion of myself and had it in my head that no guy could ever be attracted to me.  So, when I got your message on MySpace, you can imagine my surprise.  To be honest, you could have been anyone.  I would have taken anyone as my boyfriend at that time in my life, because I convinced myself that I wasn't pretty enough or cool enough to get one.
     Remember that night you came over to my parents house and we were watching a movie in the basement?  You fell asleep and your phone kept lighting up.  I'm not proud, but I looked.  You were receiving texts from like 3 different girls.  One of them was a heart.  I shook you awake and kicked you out.  You left but then we got back together the next day.  Man, was I stupid. Remember that time you invited me to a party in the middle of the woods in a town I didn't know?  And when the police showed up - you ran away and left me to fend for myself?  I ran through the woods with strangers and got all cut up from picky bushes.  And when I finally found you, full of scrapes and bleeding, all you could do was tell me how you were hurt worse than I was. Remember that time that you came with me to my Aunts wedding, and we went to the after party at someones house?  Remember the owners of the house specifically saying that we could not drink because we were underage, and you stole beer anyway?  And then when you got caught, you were so embarrassed that you fled the party? I spent 2 hours looking for you and when I finally found you, you were laughing and thought it was the funniest thing.  There was nothing funny to me about you embarrassing me in front of my family.  And remember when you did the same exact thing a few months later at another family party?  What the hell was wrong with you?!  Better yet, what the hell was wrong with me for still staying with you?!  Remember that time that we were arguing in my car?  You were wasted and you punched my dashboard and put a huge crack in it? And I kept trying to get you out of my car but you wouldn't?  I didn't tell you then, but in that moment I actually feared for my safety.  I was scared of you.  Remember that time I broke up with you for good and you got so mad that you posted a Facebook status, for everyone (including my family) to see, saying how much of a "slut" I was and refused to take it down, even when I called you sobbing?
     Truth be told, I spent a long time hating you.  You really did put me through hell.  I cannot count how many times I tried breaking up with you, only to later feel bad and fall right back into the same cycle.  Despite all of the awful things you did, our relationship did teach me a lot.  From that moment on, I promised myself that I would never stay with someone who disrespected my family.  Breaking up with you showed me that I am strong and I had no reason to be so insecure.  Our relationship taught me not to settle for just any guy who happens to show some interest in me.  You were my first "real" relationship.  So, thank you for setting the tone and for laying the foundation of what I know I want in a relationship today.  Although our time together does not spark any "good" memories, it does remind me what I have overcome and what I DON'T want in a relationship.  At this point, I don't have any ill feelings toward you.  Too much time has passed and we are both completely different people now.  I will say this: I hope you have grown up.  I hope that whoever you marry, you treat with love and respect.  I hope that if our relationship taught you anything, it is how to NOT treat a woman.  And above all, I hope that wherever you are, you're truly happy.


Friday, August 18, 2017

The Settlers.


  Guess who's back.  Back again.  Holy guacamole I just realized I haven't written a blog post since May.  What's with that?!  It's like I'm actually enjoying life and not finding anything I feel the need to rant about.  Well, fear not freaks!  Cause I have once again found something that's bothering the shit out of me that I feel the need to express to everyone and anyone that decides to read this.
  You guys.  There are 7.442 billion people in this world. 7.442 BILLION.  And for some god-forsaken reason, men and women still insist on settling for that one douche-bag or bitch who doesn't give them exactly what they want and deserve.  What's with that?! Don't get me wrong, I am SOOO guilty of this.  You find someone, you fall in love, and you convince yourself that their 495 imperfections are something you can "accept" because you "love them".  PUH-LEASE PEOPLE. This is bullshit! You get one life, kids.  ONE LIFE.  Why on earth do you want to spend even a second of it with someone who doesn't make you utterly and ridiculously over-the-moon happy and in love MOST of the time?!  I'm not that naive, I know that every relationship has it's ups and downs and nothing is ever perfect, but come onnnnnnn.  Why are women staying with the guy who doesn't call them when they say they will, or doesn't show up to the family party they swore they'd be at, or is constantly flirting with other girls?  And why are men staying with the woman who picks apart every single thing they do and makes them miserable on a daily basis?  It just blows my mind, honestly.  Each and every single one of us deserves to be stupidly happy.  Why are you settling?! Why are you wasting a minute of your life with someone who isn't perfect for you when you could be spending that time finding someone who is?  Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone and single than with someone I am not 100% sure is right for me.  And ANOTHER thing.  Why do people keep taking their ex's back over and over?!  A leopard never changes its' spots kids.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all about second chances.  But 3rd, 4th, 5th?! Get outta hereeeeeeee with that nonsense. They were dumb enough to let you go in the first place so why are you even going to entertain the idea of letting them back in? The relationship ended for a reason... that reason is most likely still a factor.
  I've been thinking a lot lately about why people settle and accept the bullshit that they do.  And I have come to the conclusion that fear plays a BIG part in it.  Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of change.  All of these things prevent us from leaving the very thing (person, in this case) that is causing our unhappiness.  We get in this routine where we just accept things the way they are and convince ourselves we don't have an option.  Well, guess what?  You do!  It's not an easy thing by any means, but you owe it to yourself to say "SEE YA LATER" to that significant other that isn't fulfilling you anymore.  It's OK to be selfish. Do you really want to spend your time with someone that you know in the back of your mind will never change or make you as happy as you deserve, when someone who very well could, could be right around the corner?  That's just silly.  WAKE UP.  This is your only life.  You owe it to yourself to live it to the damn fullest.
  So, in conclusion, STOP SETTLING.  Leave that d-bag that your family hates and leave that gal who only wants you when its convenient for her. Don't stay with that person who just makes you "happy" when you know very well you could find someone who makes you drunk in love.  Just BE HAPPY and LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE. I know that I, for one, will not be settling for anyone who doesn't make me feel like I'm living out the lyrics to a damn country song. That's about all I have to say so I'll leave you with this cheesy quote.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” - Candace Bushnell 

Friday, May 26, 2017

How to be Single.


    As I sit here on my third (or fourth or fifth or maybe I just finished the entire bottle of rosé) glass of wine (but who's counting?!), I realized - It's a Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my couch, blasting country music, and have never been more content in my entire life.  There was a time, not that long ago actually, where I got instant anxiety at the thought alone of not having plans on a Friday or Saturday night.  Come Monday, I would frantically text my friends asking to make plans for the weekend.  The thought of staying home sounded sad and lonely and I avoided it like the plague.  Don't get me wrong, I love going out with my friends on the weekends.  But there's something extremely empowering about being able to stay in on a Friday/Saturday night by yourself and be OK in doing so.
    When you're in a relationship, it's as if every day, especially the weekend, is pre-planned out for you.  You aren't sure exactly what you'll be doing, but you do know who you'll be doing it with.  When you suddenly find yourself single, that can be a little bit challenging because you have to fill that void.  It can be difficult to go from always having a partner in crime to being your own best friend (that sounds depressing but I promise it's positive).  I know a LOT of people who come out of a relationship and instantly begin searching for a new one.  The first semi-attractive/compatible person who comes their way, they begin a new relationship with.  Hell, I'm guilty of this as well.  This is the first time that I've been single and I haven't been constantly looking for a new boyfriend.  I have been "browsing" my options and I have gone on dates, but I'm not putting all of my effort into finding the next Mr. Melanie.  
    Being single, I mean truly, really 100% single, is an art in itself.  It isn't easy, I won't lie, but if you commit yourself to it, it can be the most liberating, eye opening experience you will ever have.  What does being single really mean?  Being single means being OK with meeting your coupled up friends out for dinner and showing up solo.  Being single means not having anyone question where you are or who you are with.  Being single means not having anyone that you need to call when you get home. Being single means cooking dinner for one.  Being single means blasting your favorite song and not worrying about if anyone else likes it.  Being single means being able to commit to events without having to ask another person.  Being single means going out with the girls on a Saturday night and not feeling the need to rush home to anyone.
    As much as being single can suck sometimes, I don't think you can really be with someone new until you're fully, truly, 100% alone for a little while.  After all, how can you be happy with someone else if you aren't happy with yourself?  If you begin looking for a new person immediately and get into another serious relationship within, like, 3 months of your last one, did you really even have time to figure out who you are and what you really want?  This could just be my opinion but for me, having this time, about 8 months now, to be single, has been effing fantastic. For the first time in a very long time I feel like I finally know exactly who I am.  I know what I like, I know what I don't, I know what I stand for, I know what makes me tick, and most importantly, I know exactly what I am looking for in another person.
    So be single!  Stay in on a Friday night.  Take your sweet ass time.  Enjoy your own company.  Cook yourself an amazing meal.  Buy yourself the more expensive wine ($14 is expensive for me, OK!?!) .  Most importantly, don't put any pressure on yourself to find someone.  BE PICKY.  I cannot stress this enough.  Don't settle down with the first guy who shows you some attention. Remember:  You're a bad ass bitch with a killer bod and you smell like pine needles and have a face like sunshine - And don't ever let anyone tell you different.  CAN I GET AN AMEN.